Idiots Write About Sports

ESPN.com’s “10 Burning Questions” features an interview with Jason Giambi, one of two players I would boo even if he were to emerge from a burning building cradling a clutch of kittens in one arm and dragging a bound-and-gagged Osama Bin Laden with the other. The questions involve his love of video games, what superpower he’d want, and his biggest career regret. (It is not, as you might imagine, his decision to go on the Letterman show the day he signed with the Yankees to sneer at Oakland and its fans, but rather, the fact that he didn’t work out much in college, which is why he’s such a fat, injury-prone tub of guts today. I, um, might have embellished his answer a little.)

I don’t want to engage in any Monday morning reportage here, but I think the ESPN.com staff left out a question that an Oakland Athletics fan might want to ask Giambi.

Q: What’s it like for you to have no soul? And, also, what do you use to fill up your body where the soul would be? Now, is that human excrement or dog excrement?

A: [laughing] I wish I had a dime for every time I was asked that one!