Idiots Write About Sports

So on the TeeVee mailing list today we were talking about the opening of Petco Park, since many of we Vidiots are baseball fans and alumni of UC San Diego.

San Diego resident Steve Lutz wrote:

So uber-liberal Padres owner John Moores has tapped his pal Jimmy Carter to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at Petco Park tonight. I only hope they can get the stench of failure out of the place before I go to the game on Saturday.

Then again, this is the new home of the Padres we’re talking about. It’s only a matter of time before that particular aroma permeates the place and spreads out over much of the Gaslamp Quarter.

“That would be an improvement over the current Gaslamp Quarter smell,” replied Monty Ashley.

Phil then replied:

But, Steve, Jimmy Carter was the president when the Padres won their only World Series — in the 1979 made-for-TV remake of “The Kid from Left Field” starring Gary Coleman, Robert Guillame, and Ed McMahon.

Besides, wasn’t “Days of Malaise” the Padres slogan for the 1994 season?

To which Steve replied:

Well, sure, there’s no denying that “The Kid From Left Field” was something special, but the Jimmy Carter connection is still tenuous at best. They should have Robert Guillaume throw out the first pitch; from the right side, obviously. Better still, he could throw out Gary Coleman.

Actually, I believe Jimmy’s showing up because, as the Padres are totally destitute of late-inning runs or pitching support, Petco Park qualifies as a Habitat for Humanity project.

My only concern is that, if at some point during the game the pitcher is holding a man at first, Jimmy will send in helicopters and end up killing a bunch of people.

Betcha they sell a lot of peanuts tonight, tho’.