Idiots Write About Sports

Reader Rocksteady is astounded by our negligence:

Dude, you forgot the ultimate Caple Hack — the “David Wells is Fat” Hack. He just busted it out in a column today

And it’s true. We did forget that particular hack. And we were willing to let it slide on the basis that a) we’re obsessed with fairness here at Idiot Sports Blog, b) we’re not going out of our way to make Caple look like any more of a Hack than he already is, and c) David Wells is actually pretty fat.

But then Caple goes and squanders our goodwill by making the exactly same reference two days in a row, with column on Petco Park:

The Mariners’ batters have been moaning about Seattle’s new stadium since the architect sat down at the drafting table — “Geez, you’re not going to use blue ink, are you?” — complaining that the park swallows fly balls the way David Wells swallows pizzas. (emphasis added)

Jim, we tried to be fair. And this is how you reward us?

Steve Bartman references — 2
Grady Little references — 2
References to the Oakland Athletics’ poor fundamentals — 1
“I Hate the Yankees” references — 1
Derisive references to Alex Rodriguez as “Cap’n” — 1
Derisive references to Tom Hicks — 1
David Wells is Fat! — 1
Fake Quote columns — 0

David Wells is listed at 6'3" and 250 at Padres.com but 6'4" and 230 LOL at espn. I think he is about 6'3" 310 lbs I mean god he look's like an old fat bald guy who sits on the couch all day eating and drinking beer. NOT LIGHT BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!