Idiots Write About Sports

Over the years, I have acquired a sizable collection of Oakland A’s-related clothing. Not including green Hawaiian or polo shirts that I own solely for the purposes of having something professional-looking that I can wear to work on game days, I have a gray Oakland Atheletics Baseball Club t-shirt, a white Oakland A’s/Macy’s Fun Run shirt, a green “There Is An ‘A’ in Streak” shirt listing all 20 consecutive games the A’s won back in 2002, and a gray “Oakland Athletics, Est. 1968” shirt that I bought at spring training this year. (The A’s store was actually closed for restocking when we stopped by, but the nice gents manning the counter agreed to let me in, provided I was willing and able to pay in cash.)

I’ve noticed a correlation between the shirts I wear and the success of the A’s on the field. That first gray shirt I mentioned — the A’s enjoy something along the lines of a .750 winning percentage when I wear it. And that’s unfortunate becauuse I’ve owned it for so long, it’s now ripped and stretched out and generally unfit to be worn in public. I still wore it during the playoffs last year, and was rewarded with a thrilling 12-inning victory. The green “There Is An ‘A’ In Streak” shirt, on the other hand, is bad news — when I wear it, the A’s seem to get pummelled.

Also, on day games, a dark green, heavy T-shirt is quite uncomfortable to wear.

(On a similar note, one year I bought an A’s scarf. It’s green and gold and reminded me of the scarves English football fans wear that display their team colors. Failing that, I figured I could always wave it around like a rally towel. The A’s have never won a game where I have brought the scarf. The scarf remains tucked away in the dresser.)

So I bought the new gray shirt this spring, to replace the old, lucky gray shirt and to banish the uncomfortable green shirt for night games and homestands against the Tigers. The new gray shirt is off to an impressive start — a couple of wins here and there and a nice start to the season for the A’s.

Unfortunately, as part of my job, I travel a lot between L.A. and the Bay Area, and a week or so ago, I left the new gray shirt at my parents’ house some 361 miles to the north.

What have the A’s done since the shirt has left my possession?

They lost a game on a 14th inning balk.

They lost a game in the ninth inning on a Raul Ibanez home run.

They lost a game where Barry Zito looked like a batting practice pitcher.

They lost a second game to the Angels for their first series loss of the year.

The A’s record when I have the shirt: 6-3. The A’s record when the shirt is in the clutches of my parents: 4-5.

This simply will not stand.

So yesterday, with my parents vacationing a mere two-hour drive from my home, I got in the car and drove on a maze of crowded freeways to northern San Diego County. And yes, it was primarily to see my parents and to enjoy a lovely meal and a fine evening with them and I was very happy to see them. But did I also go, in part, to pick up my t-shirt and nip this A’s slump in the bud?

I am not ashamed to tell you that I did. And you can e-mail me your thanks later today when the A’s eek out a victory.

[Update: All the lucky shirts in all the world cannot overcome indifferent performances by your hitters and a star-studded lineup that includes Frank Menechino. One hates to get too grumpy about losses too early in the season, but grumpy I am.]