Idiots Write About Sports

I’m watching the A’s-Yankees game on MLB Extra Innings tonight, which is coming to me courtesy of YES, the Greatest Cable Channel for the Greatest Players on the Greatest Team from the Greatest City in all of recorded history. In fact, of the four A’s-Yankees games played in the 2004 season, MLB Extra Innings has picked up the YES broadcast for each one, so I don’t miss one moment of Ken Singleton’s ongoing battle with the English language.

I take this as another sign of God’s dislike for me.

During the fourth inning, with runners on first and second, Eric Byrnes hit a dying quail to no-man’s land in center field. Derek Jeter sprinted out from the infield to make an over-the-shoulder catch, spun and fired off a throw to double up Damian Miller, who creeped back to second like an old man walking on a sheet of ice. It was a pretty good, though not great, play, which didn’t stop Bobby Murcer and the thrice-damned Singleton from shrieking as if the position of shortstop was being redefined before our eyes and carrying on about Jeter, vis-a-vis his Greatness.

“You know, Jeter has a history of making incredible plays here at the Coliseum,” Murcer said. And that was Murcer’s hint to cue up the footage of that play. You know, that play from Game Three of the 2001 divisional series where Jeter made an improbable relay throw to Jorge Posada from the first baseline to get Jeremy Giambi at the plate, even though Giambi actually touched home before Posada tagged him? That play?

Yeah, I never get tired of reliving that nightmare. In fact, the only way that could have been more unpleasant is if YES followed up the replay of Jeter not throwing Giambi out with old footage of ex-girlfriends dumping me, videotapes of loved ones’ funerals, and a 30-minute tribute to Tony Danza’s greatest sitcoms.

Actually, something did happen that was more unpleasant than the 1,456,328th showing of Derek Jeter’s Unquestioned Greatness — in the time it took me to write this entry, the Yankees narrowed a comfortable 8-3 lead down to 8-6, and now the tying run’s at the plate. Get the bullpen ready, Kenny, it’s time to cough up another sure victory.

I think you’ve proven your point, God.

Update: Ye gods.