Idiots Write About Sports

Dear Scott Eyre,

You may not be aware of this fact, but you are a professional in a game — we’ll call it “baseball” — that offers certain statistical probabilities. Now I’m not going to get all sabermetric on you. I’m going to keep it simple: in baseball, a batter is more likely to get out than to get on base.

So when you come in to pitch the 9th inning with a two-run lead, the most fundamental thing to remember is this: under no circumstances do you walk the leadoff man. Make him hit the ball. More likely than not, he will make an out. If he doesn’t — even if he hits it into the oversized novelty glove in left center — it doesn’t matter, because the next guy is the guy who will tie the game.

So groove it. Let ‘em take a rip. You work in one of the hardest places in baseball to hit a home run. Give the batter a shot. But don’t walk him.

Because, and I’m saying this as a longtime observer of baseball, if you don’t understand this fundamental part of the game that provides you with your livelihood — and if you can’t throw a strike on demand — you don’t deserve to keep your job.

Respectfully submitted,

Billy Blownsave