Idiots Write About Sports

As mtvcdm points out in the comments of yesterday’s Hack-O-Meter update: another day, another tedious Fake Quote column.

Let’s go to that tote board, shall we?

David Wells is Fat! — 6
“I Hate the Yankees” references — 4
Fake Quote columns — 3
Steve Bartman references — 3
Grady Little references — 2
References to the Oakland Athletics’ poor fundamentals — 2
Derisive references to Alex Rodriguez as “Cap’n” — 1
Derisive references to Tom Hicks — 1

Fake Quote column, closing fast! This race is going to be tighter than the one in the AL West.

As I began reading today's other Hacktacular article, I bemoaned the fact that I hadn't suggested "Fake Reality" (or some other less specific description of Caple's frequent flights of fancy) as a tote board category, as these types of columns are much more frequent than the good ol' fake quoters:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=1892769

Then I read the entire article (about five minutes after catching up on your past week's worth of posts) and had to restrain myself from launching the nifty flatscreen monitor my employers are kind enough to entrust me with directly out of my office window.

In the interests of preserving sanity, perhaps I should view this as a positive development. Caple managed not to mention the (apparently) endemic baserunning errors of the A's players, and has instead refocused his biting wit upon the felonious savages populating the stands every night -- a topic that has been sadly overlooked by the mainstream media the past few weeks, wouldn't you say?

Speaking of the fans, who else but Caple would have been so brilliant as to note -- three times in the same article -- that the Athletics' attendance figures are somewhat lower than those of most other contending teams? Just another confirmation that if you seek fresh, searing humor on a consistent basis, you need look no further than the Worldwide Leader.

Just a dreadful, dreadful outing from Our Jim. And if you'll venture to Page 2, you'll realize it is even the worst article he penned today.

I officially give up in trying to understand Jim Caple's continued employment. I've never run into anyone who has anything positive to say about his work, but I guess someone at ESPN enjoys his witless takes on things. And the guy signing the checks is the only one whose opinion matters, at the end of the day.

The attendance issue is one I might post on later this weekend, as it's been brought up by other writers who aren't whince-inducing hacks.

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