Idiots Write About Sports

At 5:11 p.m. PT, I turned on my TV, expecting to see the first pitch of the Braves-Astros finale. Instead, I was treated to a profile of John Smoltz that didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know about the Braves reliever. (John Smoltz has been with Atlanta through the team’s entire string of post-season appearances! John Smoltz is an awfully good pitcher! John Smoltz is eager to win another World Series!). That was followed by more argle-bargle from Jeanne Zelasko and Kevin Kennedy and then an unending string of Fox commercials for shows I’m not planning on watching (Branson: We’d Call This ‘The Apprentice’ If We Didn’t Think NBC Would Sue!) interrupted by comments from Josh Lewin and Steve Lyons. (I’m not sitting in the room with the TiVo so I can’t play this back, but did I just hear Steve Lyons say of Atlanta starter Jaret Wright, “This isn’t the biggest game of his life [since Wright started Game 7 of the ‘97 World Series], but it could be the biggest game of his career?” Wha…? I’m hoping I misheard Psycho and that he actually said “year,” rather than “career,” but knowing Lyons, I wouldn’t be suprised if he didn’t.) That was followed by more commercials still (does America really need to see two ads for House within 10 minutes of each other?) before Wright finally threw the first pitch at 5:22. That’s 11 minutes elapsed from the time I thought the game might be underway to the time it actually started and 22 minutes from the time Fox actually signed on with its broadcast.

I live on the West Coast, so it hardly matters to me. But I’m sure there might be a fan or two in the Atlanta area with more than a passing interest in tonight’s game who might have a hard time with the usual three-hour-plus runtime of playoff baseball.

I mention this because someone at some point during the next few weeks will point to baseball’s declining ratings and falling mind-share among young fans and make the erroneous assumption that only a move to daytime playoff games will cure what ails baseball. What those folks always forget to mention: if Fox would only start the games on time — or even better, a half-hour earlier — there would be an excellent chance of a nine-inning game wrapping up well before the witching hour.

Or to put it another way: has Jeanne Zelasko ever said anything that made it worth staying up after midnight to hear? I didn’t think so. So maybe, by the time the World Series rolls around, we can skip her demented ramblings and skip straight to the first pitch.

From King Kaufman:

Lyons opened the show with a doozy. On-screen with partner Josh Lewin, Lyons said about Braves starter Jaret Wright, who as a 21-year-old started Game 7 of the 1997 World Series for the Indians: "This is not the biggest game of his life, but it may be the biggest game of his career, and he should have his emotions in check."

Lewin did a kind of Scooby-Doo head jerk -- "RHUH?" -- but then let it go and changed the subject.

That's what I get for giving Steve Lyons the benefit of the doubt and assuming he didn't say something idiotic.

Okay, Steve. It's not the biggest game of his life, but it is the biggest of his career. Please tell me when Jaret Wright gets visited by the Grim Reaper and has to pitch for his immortal soul.