Idiots Write About Sports

I enjoy Bill Simmons more or less (though his columns are a lot funnier when his teams are losing). So I’ll be sad should he end up expiring any time within the next few days.

Why should we fear for Bill Simmons’ health? Because of this ill-considered venture:

Here’s the game plan for the next 30 hours: I’m keeping a real-time running diary of the first round of March Madness. Every 60 to 75 minutes, we’re going to be posting my thoughts as the tournament cruises along – 12 hours on Thursday, six hours on Friday, with stuff getting posted every hour.

Far be it from me to call another person insane, but… that’s insane.

A couple years ago, I did a live-as-it-happens diary over at TeeVee a couple of three years back. And all I can remember from 12 straight hours of watching basketball and writing comedy on the fly was the persistent headache, the feeling that I spent half the day sitting in my own filth, and the profound sense of panic that comes at around Hour Eight when part of your brain says, “Quick, write something funny about Southern Illinois!” and the other part of your brain responds, “Huh?” In a rare bit of planning ahead, I actually had some comedy bits in the can, just in case the wit well ran a bit dry during the day — I burned through those before the second game was complete. Also, since I watched the game through the courtesy of TiVo, I wound up hours behind — I think I finished with the fourth set of games sometime on Saturday morning.

So I wish Bill Simmons luck in his venture. And I can’t help but think that most of the blog entries by this time tomorrow will be along the lines of the “Oh God, please kill me” variety.

Update: Looks like I was off a bit in my prediction:

Honestly? I got nothing. They should have staged the entire Day One in Jacksonville, that’s how bad it is. Crummy basketball, players shrinking from the moment, anticlimactic endings … you name it. It’s a bloodbath. Out of all the possible Day Ones, this had to be the one where I tried the real-time running diary?

I also forgot to mention in the original post that in addition to covering an entire day of the NCAA first round three years ago, I also visited an animal shelter at the behest of my wife to adopt our second cat. Let’s see the professional humor writers try that stunt!

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