Idiots Write About Sports

It is foolish, perhaps, to cast a single baseball game as a battle between organizational philosophies. Then again, the past 33 years have been little more than an exercise in prolonged foolishness for me, so cast I shall. Because Saturday’s A’s-Angels game — personally attended by yours truly and Mrs. yours truly — struck me as a clash not so much as a ballgame between two teams but as a proving ground for two approaches to winning baseball.

On the one side, you had the Oakland A’s and their bash-first-and-ask-questions-later take on baseball, mixed with enough solid pitching to keep opposing bats at bay. And on the other were the Anaheim Angels of Wherever — swinging at will, running at will, and just generally making pests of themselves until the other team gives up and goes home.

On this particular night, the small ball approach won out — 9-5, in case you don’t have a box score handy. The A’s offense mostly held up their end of the bargain, with a home run from, improbably, Bobby Kielty and a double-order of doubles from Scott Hatteberg leading the hit parade. But the pitching was MIA — Danny Haren didn’t make it out of the fifth, giving up eight runs — at least until the bullpen took over.

The Angels, meanwhile, ran wild, stealing five bases — one every inning for the first three innings and twice in the fifth. (Thankfully, the unwritten rules of baseball discourage steal attempts with a four-run lead, or the Angels might still be circling around the bases.) And those steals helped get runs home, too — Jeff DaVanon swiped a base in the second and scored nearly immediately on a Darin Erstad single. Two other stolen bases also led to runs, and a fourth might have, had not Vladimir Guerrero been thrown out trying to advance to third on Jason Kendall’s errant throw into center field. (Perhaps this is how Oakland should defend against the stolen base — have Kendall launch the ball into the outfield. At least, Mark Kotsay has an arm.)

As with any disastrous result, we must assess blame. I mean, the Angels are fast, but no one is five-stolen-bases-in-one-game fast, if you get what I’m saying.

Susan Slusser’s report seems to point the fickle finger of fate at young Dan Haren and his tortoise-like delivery — a position endorsed by the Angels, who apparently had time to stop for a hot dog and beer on their way from first to second, if Jeff DaVanon is to be believed.

“(Haren) was just slow to the plate,” DaVanon said. “He was consistently in the 1.4’s (seconds) and he wasn’t speeding it up, mixing it up. … That’s a good person to run on.”

Hey, he would know, what with the two stolen bases and all. But Jason Kendall is not entirely blameless in this affair. I’ve already mentioned the throw to second that sailed into the outfield on Guerrero’s stolen base attempt. Another attempt resulted in a second wayward throw from the Oakland catcher. A third was generously scored a stolen base instead of a passed ball when the pitched whizzed to the backstop. And on a fourth steal attempt, Kendall double-clutched and never got off a throw. Yeah, the Angel runners all got great jumps off of Haren, but on four out of the five steals, Kendall’s throws weren’t on target anyhow.

According to Slusser, who’s paid to have these facts at her disposal, Kendall’s thrown out three of the last 13 people who tried to steal off him. That’s Piazza-esque. Ah well, at least we’ve got his bat in the lineup.

What? He’s batting .246 and slugging .292? Oh.

Other news and notes from the game…

• In a sign that I’m still getting used to the new season, I still have to fight the feeling of impending doom whenever the A’s go to the bullpen. That’s very unfair to this year’s crop of relievers. On Saturday, both Huston Street and Juan Cruz pitched extremely well, and Justin Duscherer’s only run was unearned thanks to a tough error from Charles Thomas.

Rob McMillin does a better job than I just did by chronicling the A’s much-improved bullpen in his game notes — See, Rob? That’s at least one reader who enjoys your summaries — with a nice compare-and-contrast with the Angels’ no-longer-as-dominant pen. Special criticism is directed at Brendan Donnelly, who appears slightly past his sell-by date. (Sidenote: if Angel fans harshly criticize Donnelly, would you be correct in saying that they are picking at a Scab?)

• It was a giveaway night at Angels Stadium, with every fan receiving a DVD containing highlights of the Angels’ 2004 division championship. Well, every fan but me — I politely-but-firmly declined the nice Angel employee’s offer to give me the DVD.

“Are you sure you don’t want to see the Angels win the AL West?” the employee asked in a tone that was so sincere I didn’t even think she was ribbing me.

“No, thanks,” I said, pointing to my A’s cap. “I’m good.”

The Angels have added footage of the team celebrating last year’s divisional flag at the Oakland Coliseum to the video highlight package that airs before the game. (Curiously, no footage from the divisional series with Boston made the final cut.) Until the A’s lost Saturday, I would have considered this an unwise move — do you really want to give your divisional rival any more motivation to beat you? Why not just flash, “Take That, Bitches” up on the scoreboard? Or show the Rally Monkey flinging dung at Ken Macha? Or have Mickey Hatcher kick Stomper in the groin?

Then again, these are the laid-back A’s we’re talking about, so you could probably show footage of Angel players cuckolding the A’s with their wives, and nobody would get too fired up. After all, it’s not like this is a rivalry, right, Chavy?

“It’s too early,” A’s third baseman Eric Chavez said, throwing water on the idea of a heated rematch with his effusive praise of the Angels. “I’ve always loved that team and had a lot of respect for the team and organization. Nothing bothers me about them. I honestly thought they were the better team (last year). I’m impressed with their balance.”

Whatever portion of your salary goes to your leadership skills, it is not enough, my man.

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