Idiots Write About Sports

As a part of my working gig, I was invited to a private party at XYZ Park yesterday. I’ve been to the park dozens of times since it opened in 2000, but this was the first time I had explored the luxury suite level. And let me tell you, it’s swank. Really swank.

How swank is it?

Well, this is the bathroom. Immaculately clean like a public luxury hotel or conference center bathroom, and completely empty. This is why you rent a luxury suite -- to have a beautiful, clean bathroom to use whenever you feel like it, without missing a moment of game action while waiting to pee in a trough.

I wish this was a better photo, but what can I say? Camera phones suck. This suite is not, as it appears, looking out on the surface of the sun, but actually looking out over home plate. It's a nice view, and the interior suite is pretty luxurious too. If I had a few spare millions, I think I'd live here.

This is Second Street approaching the park, from a vantage point I've never really had before. If you look hard enough, you can vaguely make out my office building, which is at the corner of Second and Bryant. All the excitement at the park is really aimed at Willie Mays Plaza, which is over on Third Street. The Plaza's nice enough, but I never go over there. Second Street's my business address and the gate I use to go see the Giants. It's my turf, as much as anyone who lives in Mill Valley can claim turf in the South of Market area. It was cool to see it from above, amid the atmosphere of the cigars and the burned $100 bills used to light them.

...and this is where we ended up, in the left-field bleachers. From the landed gentry to the $17 seats behind guys who are most definitely not Barry Bonds. We had a great view of the field, though, and an excellent view of the SFPD and a (blessedly small) collection of drunken boobs.

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