Idiots Write About Sports

From time to time, I get depressed. Sometimes, it’s about the A’s and their fortunes. Other times, it’s about more trivial matters like the state of the world or my health or my ability to stay continually employed. And I have a simple coping strategy for these occasional bouts with melancholy: I drink. Quite a bit, actually.

Come to think of it, that’s probably not a really constructive thing to do.

OK, I have other coping strategies as well, one of which is to seek out things that bring me joy and amusement. The other week, Catfish Stew conjured up memories of the infamous Orson Welles frozen peas diatribe. And that brings to mind another one of those Famous People Saying Thoroughly Inappropriate Things Into a Live Microphone Incidents — one that never fails to bring a smile to my face, and one that I will now share with all of you.

I give you The Manager’s Corner with Earl Weaver. Featuring the thoughts and opinions of the American League’s winningest manager!

One disclaimer before I give you the link: Earl curses. A lot. No…. really a lot. I mean, we’re not talking Aristocrats-dirty, but all the same, not the sort of language you’d want to repeat to the parson at your next church social. So if you don’t care to hear Earl Weaver cussing like a longshoreman and you wind up clicking on the link anyhow, don’t come complaining to me about your delicate sensibilities being irreparably scarred.

And now: the clip, courtesy of The Jim Healy Tribute Site.

There are four things I love about this clip:

1. The snappy introductory music: Them’s production values, baby!

2. The host’s noble efforts to maintain a sense of decorum, even as Weaver scales new heights of profanity: I mean, I commend the guy for his professionalism, but after that first answer, is it really the wisest decision to try and soldier on with your interview? It seems pretty clear that Earl just isn’t into his pregame show duties today, so maybe now would be a good time to cut to a commercial or maybe see if George Bamberger wants to fill in for Earl that day.

3. The Terry Crowly comment: I will never be able to hear Crowley’s name again without sniggering. In fact, I go to bed each night, praying that I will never meet Terry Crowley for fear of how I would react. Poorly, I’m guessing.

4. The delayed bleeps at the end of interview: Seriously, Earl’s spent a good minute using the most vile language imagineable and you only know get around to hitting the bleep button? What could he possibly have said at that point that was so obscene that it had to be edited out? The mind reels.

One thing I’ve never been able to determine: whether this particular episode of The Manager’s Corner ever made it on to the airwaves or whether it’s just a big put-on like the Pluck Your Twanger clip. I hope it’s not the latter because that would just depress me all over again.

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