Idiots Write About Sports

So for what seems 100 years — Jason tells me it’s actually closer to six — Jason’s run a fairly low-key fantasy football league in which I have been a willing participant. It’s a pleasant diversion, a way to stay interested in the football season long after your team is mathematically eliminated from playoff contention (usually early October for us Charger fans), and it keeps us from turning to the streets like so many young men our age. Also, there is the promise of potential financial remuneration, and the ratio of prize money I’ve won over the years to entry fees I’ve paid makes me feel like I’ve only slightly wasted my life in frivolous pursuits.

It’s a head-to-head league, with a scoring system that you don’t need a slide rule and a degree in advanced mathematics to understand. Normally, we have 12 to 14 people in the league, but this year, we had a dropout or too. I guess some people decided it was more important to concentrate on their medical school studies than deliberate over whether to start Fred Taylor or Clinton Portis at running back next Sunday. Also, there is the possibility that we are unpleasant people to spend time with.

Nevertheless, their departure is your opportunity to match wits with me Jason and up to 10 other complete strangers in Stupid Fake League 2005. Yes, we’re looking to fill out our league, and we’re extending the offer to any loyal readers, curious passersby or savvy spam-bots. Feel the vicarious thrill of racking up points based on the accomplishments of professional athletes! Chortle at the prospect of schooling Jason and myself on the finer points of fantasy sports! Marvel at the possibility of receiving a pittance of a grand prize after you best your fellow competitors. Yes, fantasy football truly is the sport of kings. Kings with Internet access and lots of time on their hands, true, but kings nevertheless.

Anyhow, here’s the deal — our draft is Friday eveing, so obviously only people with social lives as stupefyingly dull as ours need apply. You needn’t worry about being there in person — we’re running our draft through Yahoo, so all you need is an Internet connection and the patience to sit through no less than a dozen jokes about Amani Toomer’s name. Of course, there’s the small matter of the $50 entrance fee, but do we look like the kind of fellows who would go through the trouble of setting up a sports-themed weblog as part of an elaborate two-year-long ruse to bilk suckers out of half-a-C-note?

Best not to answer that.

Interested parties should proceed quickly and clamly to their nearest e-mail client and drop us a line at idiots-at-intertext-dot-com. Or, you could completely ignore our generous offer of amusement and diversion and make us feel like the biggest losers on the planet. Whichever works for you.

Sorry; only deal in bragging-rights leagues. Big ones. 18 teams big. With larger-than-normal rosters and individual defensive players. (Makes the GM's think more if they have to consider the players no cheat sheet mag told them about.)

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