Idiots Write About Sports

BAKERSFIELD — The season hasn’t begun the way the Kern Rapids expected.

First, the Rapids lost an opening day no-hitter at the hands of Fresno Bees ace Pedro Martinez. Then, in Game Two, Bees starter Livan Hernandez pitched a three-hit shutout to beat the Rapids 6-0. The Rapids didn’t end up scoring until 20 innings into the season when backup catcher Robert Fick, playing for the benched Tony Eusebio, hit a two-run home run.

But the Rapids even needed help to win their first game of the season and improve their record to 1-2. Tied 4-4 in the bottom of the ninth, an error by Bees shortstop Mark Loretta allowed Eric Young to reach first with two outs. Following a Jeff Nelson walk to Tony Womack, Albert Belle roped a double to right — the first hit of the season for the mercurial slugger, who’s batting just .091 — to win the game for the Rapids 5-4.

“Goddamn, goddamn, goddamn,” said Rapids manager Norm Nohit, who’s already feeling the pressure from Rapids management. Nohit’s status seemed even shakier Thursday when the express shuttle from Earth arrived on Planet Baseball carrying fired Detroit Tigers skipper Phil Garner.

“I’m just here to see the sights,” said Garner, as he jumped into a rental car and sped away.