Idiots Write About Sports

I went to the first Cal football home game of the year this weekend. I’ve been going since I was a little kid, and my family has had season tickets since the late ’60s.
Things are different this year.
The old grass turf is gone, replaced with next-generation phony stuff called Momentum Turf. It’s not bad, and there’s no huge crown on the field like there was the last time Memorial Stadium had artificial turf.
But the Momentum Turf is also a symbol of a new attitude at Cal, namely to treat the football program like it’s a big-time program, with the hope that it will become one. An interesting approach. And given the 1923-era facilities, an overhaul of Memorial Stadium is long overdue.
So Cal’s big-timing it: Four little-used sections have been covered up with tarps to create two end-zone general admission seating areas — a great idea to get more people in the park by lowering ticket prices. That means that ushers are everywhere, checking tickets to prevent those people from trading up. It also means that when I’ve bought food for my family and have my hands full returning to my seat, I’m given the once-over by an usher who wants to see the ticket that’s trapped in my pocket.
But it’s a little embarrassing and more than a little infuriating when an operating with aspirations of the big time continues to small-time the details. This year we were assured that the stadium would feature “upgraded” food options. I sit in the middle of the donor seats, at the 35 yard line — there is no higher-priced territory than the area in which I sit. And yet, the concession stands behind this area still feature a fine selection of hot dogs, and nothing else. This year’s upgrade? Apparently you can now also get Krispy Kreme donuts. Or you can walk the entire rim of the stadium over into the student section, where (rumor has reached these shores) you can buy pizza or a burger. Sakes alive! The promised land!
Big-time: They’re supposedly forcing my one-year-old daughter to buy a ticket. Blessedly small time: Hold a one-year-old in your arms and the people who check tickets will let you in, no questions asked.
Big-time: Last year they added an upgraded video screen to replace the bill of goods Cal was sold a few years ago, a square “video” screen incapable of actually displaying video. Small-time: A PA system made up of small metal speakers extending from poles around the field, a la M*A*S*H — except that you could understand the guy who shouted “Attention all personnel, incoming wounded.” Cal’s PA announcer — I believe they’re using AnnouncerTron 2.1.5 this year — sounded as if he was a low-quality MP3 radioed in from the surface of Venus.
In any event, I love Cal football. Memorial Stadium is a beautiful setting, especially on a warm fall (or in this case, late summer) day. Depending on where you’re sitting, you can see all the way down to the bay and over to the Golden Gate, or you can see up into Strawberry Canyon, as well as the crowds of people watching for free up on Tightwad Hill next to the cannon.
Being a Cal fan is a bit like being a Cubs fan, I’d imagine — there’s always hope for the future, but it’s a far-off and unrealistic hope. In the meantime, there are years of torment. I hope one day before I die to see the Giants win the World Series; I hope one day before I die to see Cal play in a Rose Bowl. And that’s probably unrealistic — after all, I am 32.
In the meantime, can I get some freakin’ Pizza over here? I need more hot dogs and Krispy Kremes like Cal needs another game against a Top 5 team.