Idiots Write About Sports

Jason and I co-own a fantasy baseball team in an online head-to-head league. “How does that work,” you may be wondering, “what with two savvy baseball fans such as yourselves making the decisions?”
Very poorly, thanks for asking. Particularly when I’m making the personnel moves.
Today’s example: I benched Eric Chavez today, since Chavy’s been in a little slump recently. Plus, the A’s are facing Jamie Moyer, a southpaw, and left-handers cause Chavez no end of problems.
Chavez’s line thus far: a three-run homers, three walks and three runs scored. Crazy like a fox, that Michaels. A regular Miller Huggins, that guy.
Anyhow, I have on the Phillies-Marlins game today. It’s the top of the ninth, Florida’s up 7-5, and while normally that may not interest me all that much, Armando Benitez happens to be on our fantasy team, and boy, do we need saves this week. So as the Marlins come to the plate, I’m hoping that the two run lead holds up, and that Benitez comes in during the bottom of the inning to pick up the easy save.
That’s when Mike Lowell decides to hit a two-run homer. It’s now a four-run Florida lead — or, as it’s known around the Michaels household, not a frickin’ save situation.
Ah, but fantasy fortunes can turn on a dime. The Marlins leave Nate Bump in to finish off the Phils, and after recording one out, he gives up a double to Jimmy Rollins. Tomas Perez follows with a pinch-hit RBI single, and suddenly, it’s very much a save situation again. The Marlins leave Bump in to record one last out, but tap Benitez to face Placido Polanco for the totally bogus one-out-pitched save.
Polanco singles, moving Perez to third. Bobby Abreu singles, scoring Perez — make sure to charge that run to Nate Bump, official scorer, and not our blameless reliever! — and moving Polanco to third. And that brings up Jim Thome… who mercifully strikes out.
Benitez: 1/3IP, 2H, 1K, and one glorious, totally undeserved but nevertheless welcome save. Of course, our WHIP is shot to hell, but what can you do?