Idiots Write About Sports

Boy, I tell you, nothing like devoting four-and-a-half, five hours to watching a baseball game when you should be spending that time working on assorted overdue writing assignments, only to watch your team lose about 15 minutes from midnight. On a balk.

And the shame of it is, it was a balk — at least, it was based on how I understand the balk rule. So I can’t even blame some vast anti-Athletic conspiracy for the loss. Just poor, overmatched Justin Duchscherer.

I wonder if Chad Harville understands the balk rule…

(Incidentally, this was the second time in as many nights that an A’s pitcher committed a balk — only the umpires didn’t call it the other night when Barry Zito did a little bunny hop. I don’t know who’s advising the Oakland pitchers to do this — Curt Young, the ghostly apparition of Rick Peterson — or whether they’re coming up with these feints to first on their own, but whoever it is needs to stop.)

Actually, Duchscherer acquitted himself fairly well last night. He pitched well enough for two-plus innings — at least, as well as you can reasonably expect a long-relief guy to pitch — and if the A’s push a run or two across earlier when they had plenty of opportunities, we’re not having this conversation. No, the Oakland player who really fell down on the job last night was Mark Kotsay — and he fell down spectacularly.

First, there was a play back in the fifth. After a one-out single by Marco Scutaro, Kotsay tipped a ball that landed in foul terrority but rolled fair. That ball is in play, so Mariner catcher Dan Wilson pounced on it and went to make a play on Kotsay. The A’s center fielder made it really easy to do that since, instead of running to first, he stood a foot or two away from Wilson so that he could argue with the umpire about whether the ball was foul or not. Hey, stopping during the middle of play to argue with an ump — yeah, I think we’ve mastered that one, guys. Let’s maybe work on the play were we wait until time is called to question the umpiring.

Now, fortunately, Scutaro was running on the play so he easily made it to second, and the net result was the same — even had Kotsay decided to run, he would most likely have been put out at first. You just kind of want to see the runner force a throw there, especially since the catcher has to throw inside the runner to make the play at first.

Kotsay’s performance in the tenth was even worse. With runners on first and second and nobody out, he was called upon to lay down a bunt. He fouled off the first pitch, missed on the second, and with an 0-2 count, stood there with the bat on his shoulder for a called strike three. (This is apparently something of a pattern with Kotsay — at a spring training game I went to in March, Kotsay struck out looking twice.)

I understand the importance the A’s place on plate discipline. I also understand that in an extra-innings game with two on and nobody out, it’s a lot more important to put the ball and play so that the runners have a chance move up than it is to get picky about what kind of pitch you’re going to swing at.

Even worse for Kotsay, he picked that moment to argue with the home-plate umpire (perhaps resuming their spirited debate about foul balls versus fair balls from back in the fifth), and he opted to do so rather vociferously. He’s ejected, and the A’s, having already run through their contingent of backup outfielders, are forced to move Eric Chavez to left.

That’s Eric Chavez, gold glove third baseman, making his second career appearance in the outfield. But hey — it’s not like players forced out of their natural position might be any more inclined to injure themselves on routine plays.

It’s ridiculously early to declare whether the exchange of Kotsay for Ramon Hernandez and the useless bag of bones inhabited by Disgrunteld Outfielder Terrance Long is a bust. Anything that gets Long playing his home games outside of Alameda County is, by definition, a good move for the A’s. But if Kotsay’s embarrassing performance last night is any indication of what he brings to the table, the early returns are not encouraging.

(Speaking of embarrassing moments, there was a wonderful one last night which emphasize why Mariner fans are not exactly respected for their baseball acumen. It’s the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied 1-1, and Jim Mecir has retired the first two Mariners. He’s got two strikes on Scott Spiezio when he nails him with a 2-2 pitch. The Mariner fans boo. Or to put it another way, they boo as Mecir, who is a strike away from sending the game into extra innings, puts the winning run on base.

I’d like to propose a new rule for Major League Baseball: when the home crowd robotically boos a clearly unitentional hit-by-pitch play, the batter has to forfeit the right to go to first and play resumes as if nothing happens. This rule will only encourage otherwise dimwitted fans to learn when getting a free baserunner instead of a third out is advantageous.

And then they can concentrate on harder things, like understanding the balk rule.)