Idiots Write About Sports

Jason’s right — I haven’t been writing much lately. I’ve had a lot of projects, both on the clock and off, to take care of. I’ve got this slave driver boss who is able to buy massive TV sets thanks in part to the sweat of my labor but does not turn around and redistribute massive TV sets to his loyal workers (first against the wall when the revolution comes, slave driver boss!). And finally, there’s also my crippling, crippling laziness.

But I think I’ve finally managed to get my affairs in order, and I should be writing more, both here and at other Web-based time sucks.

Then again, you’ve heard that before, haven’t you?

Anyhow, Jason was right about another thing — I was at Tuesday night’s Dodger-Padre game. While a leisurely-paced contest — time of game: 3 hours, one minute, with the two teams combining for nine pitching changes — it was still an exciting 5-4 game with the Dodgers winning on a ninth-inning single. And any time spent at Dodger Stadium is time well spent — it’s one of my two favorite ballparks, a great place to take in a ballgame and home to the greatest contribution to stadium cuisine ever, the Dodger Dog.

It is not, however, a fun place to get to.

A lot of people make a lot of snide comments about late-arriving Dodger fans; maybe you’ve made them, too. And if you have, I’m willing to bet you’ve never had to brave rush-hour traffic to make it out to Chavez Ravine for a 7:10 p.m. first pitch.

I live about 20 miles from Dodger Stadium. I left for yesterday’s game at 5:40 p.m. Took to the 105 east to the 110, and exited at Figueroa Street, thus avoiding the ghastly 10-110 interchange. I took Figueroa through downtown L.A. all the way to where it spills out onto the 110 just before the Stadium Way exit. Now, yesterday, my lovely wife was unable to attend owing to a higher calling, so I couldn’t use the carpool lane; also my Figueroa Street shortcut takes my right past Staples Center, and the Lakers were at home last night to half-ass their way through a game with Portland. So that added 10, maybe 15 minutes to my normal drive time.

I got to my seat as the National Anthem was ending.

And keep in mind, I have a pretty flexible work schedule. Working at home, I’m usually at my desk anytime between 7:30 and 9, meaning I can drop what I’m doing with a clean conscience anytime between 4:15 and 5:30. You get people who are chained to their office until 5, 6 o’clock on game night, and it’s not too hard to figure out why people show up in the third inning.

I’m not used to this. I’ve spend the past three years as an Oakland season ticketholder. I lived fifteen minutes from the Oakland Coliseum. My commute for my job meant parking at the Coliseum BART station and taking a train into San Francisco — in other words, I passed by the stadium every weekday, whether the A’s were playing or not. And anytime I wanted to watch the inferior brand of ball they play in the National League, I could walk three blocks from my San Francisco office to Johnnie LeMaster Field at China Basin or whatever the Giants are calling their home these days. After the game, a boat would take me to my island home.

That’s a little bit more convenient than blocking out an hour and 20 minutes to drive 20 miles.

The good news: the Metro Transit Authority — L.A.’s feeble attempt at public transit — is beginning to offer Metro Rail service to Dodger Stadium. The slightly less good news: thanks to Metro Rail’s short routes, I’d have to change trains twice to get to Union Station where I would then have to wait for a shuttle bus to Dodger Stadium. The infuriating news: MTA is only offering this service for Friday home games.

I guess I can hope for that eventual BART extension.

Anyhow, here’s some non-commuting related thoughts while I was waiting for postgame traffic to thin out in the labyrinth that the Dodgers call a parking lot:

* The newly acquired Milton Bradley adds a lot to the Dodger lineup. Thanks to his presence alone, that team is going to score more runs this year. Thanks to Dave Roberts and Cesar Izturis — Cesar Izturis! — batting ahead of Bradley, they’re not going to score a lot more runs this year.

* Tuesday marked my first chance to see Disgruntled Outfielder Terrence Long wearing a non-Oakland uniform. To someone familiar with the T-Long approach to winning baseball — strike out with the bat on your shoulder and the season on the line and then bitch about your playing time almost immediately thereafter — seeing Long in someone else’s uniform was a beautiful sight.

“This is where he hits a home run,” one of my seatmates said, as Long strode up to the plate in thre ninth inning, the score knotted at four, two out, a runner on, and Eric Gagne on the mound. “Just to irritate you.”

“If he hits a home run here,” I said, “I will eat my hat.”

My seatmate, who has Eric Gagne as his fantasy team closer, decided the sight of me eating headgear was far more important than losing valuable fantasy points and cheered lustily for Terrence Long to come through. Channeling the magic that made him the toast of A’s fans everywhere, Long popped out to shallow center.

The Lord bless and keep you, T-Long. Far away from Oakland.

* Speaking of Padre uniforms, I’m not quite sure how to describe the color of the Padres’ road unis. They have eschewed the traditional road grays in favor of… well, what would you call that color? Sandstone? Desert Yellow? Off-beige?

I’m going with Sepia.

I think the Padres' road uniform color is best described as "unlaundered".

They call it "sand", and me likes it lots.

Before you render a disparaging comment, I'd like to point out that the Oakland unis look like the end result of holding a bladder in one hand, holding a gall bladder in the other, then squeezing gently but firmly.

I'd agree with you about the A's uniforms if we're talking about those late 70s/early 80s jerseys the A's wore. Those looked like the entire team was walking by the clown factory at the precise moment it exploded.

And I didn't offer a disparaging word about the sepia-hued road unis now favored by the Padres. They just look... different.

I know. I was just being proactive.

As far as 70s and 80s unis go, I'm hardly in a position to throw stones. The Pads jerseys from the same period look like the team had a mishap at the condiment stand.