Idiots Write About Sports

I began my Tuesday morning the way I usually do — by reading Tim Keown’s always hilarious List column over at ESPN.com. (Keown brought the column format over from the San Francisco Chronicle, where it appeared on Saturdays alongside Bruce Jenkins’ Three Dot Lounge. Those were the days, folks…) Anyhow, about halfway through Keown’s column, I came across this item:

There, that oughta show ‘em: The University of Iowa canceled a baseball game against the Bradley Braves as part of the university’s grand proclamation not to play against teams with American Indian mascots.

And maybe you’re thinking the same thing I am: that policy must make it pretty hard for Iowa to play Big 10 conference games against the University of Illinois, since the last time I checked, the Fightin’ Illini counts as an American Indian mascot.

In reality, it’s not that hard at all for Iowa to schedule games against Illinois. Because the university drafted its policy specifically to exempt such situations. Quoting this wire story:

The Iowa policy has exceptions. Illinois, nicknamed the Fighting Illini, is exempt because of Big Ten Conference obligations. However, the Illinois mascot, Chief Illiniwek, is barred from Iowa athletic venues.

The policy also exempts post-season or tournament games “where we don’t have control over the scheduling,” [athletic director Bob] Bowlsby said.

So Iowa is taken a bold stand against the injustice of offensive mascot names — except when there’s money to be made. But hey — we’re keeping the mascot off campus. That oughta count for something.

Well, it doesn’t. Look, I’m not here to debate the relative offensiveness of Native American mascots or even whether the University of Iowa should have a policy in place. But it seems to me if you’re going to refuse to play teams with mascots you deem offensive, you should extend that ban to every team that offends your sensibilities instead of picking and choosing when your conscience should be your guide. Taking a stand means nothing if you only take one when its convenient.

If Iowa really wants to drive home the point that American Indian mascots are unacceptable in this day and age, then it should bow out of conference match-ups with the Illinois Illini, turn down lucrative non-conference games against the Florida State Seminoles and forfeit any NCAA tournament games against the Chippewas, Braves and Aztecs of the sports world. Otherwise, it should change its own nickname — from the Hawkeyes to the Chickenshits.

Is this for all sports?

I'm not sure I understand the question.

If you're asking whether Iowa's policy covers all sports, the the answer appears to be yes, as the wire story linked to includes Iowa's athletic director talking about how bowl games are exempt because someone else is doing the scheduling (though Iowa can accept or decline the invitation to play in the Poulan Weedeater Bowl at its discretion, one could point out).

If you're asking whether I think other sports should adopt a similar policy -- say, the A's and Giants refusing to play teams with Native American mascots -- that really wasn't the point of my post. Again, I was arguing that Iowa, by refusing to play some games but not others, was not being as principled as the university would like to pretend. To extend the metaphor, say the A's announced they wouldn't play games against teams with offensive mascots but then played a three-game series against Cleveland. "Oh, we only meant exhibition games," the team would say. "Regular season and playoff games don't count. But we told Cleveland that Chief Wahoo wouldn't be permitted inside the Coliseum." Well, that would be hypocritical, same as Iowa's policy is now.

Arguing the overall merits of such a policy is a debate for another time; I'm just noting that the policy, as half-heartedly implemented as it is now, is an empty gesture.

I caught this issue in a Diversity class. Minnesota and Wisconsin have the same policy. The reason they don't bow out of games against Illinois, or NCAA tourney games, is because they pretty much have to play those. NCAA regulations. (It's an actual rule that you have to play in the NCAA tournament if selected. You'd think teams would see this as basically a collegiate version of 'Central Florida, will you accept this rose?', but there you go. And besides, I guarantee you that the first AD who gets the whole program in trouble with the NCAA for refusing to play a conference game isn't going to have a job by the end of it all. And just try and explain to your students who may be playing the biggest games of their lives that you sold them to the NIT because your first round opponent is San Diego St. See how many players you're left with after all your good players transfer or declare for the draft.

Fair enough. So why have a policy at all, if you're not going to follow it in any sort of meaningful way?

They're doing as much as they can that the NCAA will allow. I'm sure if Iowa thought the NCAA would even consider letting them scratch Illinois from their schedule, they'd give it a shot. But their hands are tied in conference play. As it stands, they try boycotting the game and the NCAA would probably yank some scholarships, put them on probation for 3 years, and STILL make them play Illinois. It'd be like if, say, the Blue Jays suddenly decided the DH was evil and made their pitcher go up to bat against, say, the Rangers. Selig would get involved and start tossing around forfeitures and cancelled games and a whole bunch of shit until Toronto started using the DH again. This isn't really a convenience issue; it's more an NCAA regulations issue.

I concede your point, though you are talking to a man who once argued in a fit of pique that small-revenue clubs should forfeit games against the Yankees in order to force New York to share more of its TV revenue, punishments from Chairman Bud be damned. So obviously, I'm a big fan of grand, self-destructive gestures that fly in the face of rational behavior.

I meant all sports at Iowa. I was having trouble imagining lucrative non-conference college baseball games.

Yeah, Marty, when I wrote about lucrative non-conference games, I was thinking specifically about the Big 10-ACC basketball challenge which pits temas from the two conferences against each other.