Idiots Write About Sports

When you’re watching a double-extra-inning doubleheader, use 21st-century technology as a viewing aid. Record both games. Don’t start watching the first game until the evening, when the second game is already underway. Use your TiVo’s fastest fast-forward speed (60x, or a minute per second) to zip through all the innings where there’s no scoring.
Stop and watch the interesting rallies, and marvel at the homers by Bonds and Palmiero. Grimace at Jim Palmer, who appears to be one of those announcers who doesn’t do any homework. Be impressed by the finesse with which the Giants bullpen got out of several insane jams without giving up any runs.
Then it’s on to the nightcap, a blur of TiVo fast-forward images: two-run lead, tied. Two-run lead, Fonzie boots the ball, tied.
Then something crazy happens. At 9:30 at night — Pacific time! — your TiVo drops out of fast-forward mode. You eventually find out the cause: you’ve caught up with live TV! Which leaves you to watch the three final, crazy innings of the day’s 23 innings live. Hey! There’s Matt Herges, who was just closing up the opening game an hour or two ago, TiVo time. And the game is over. 23 innings, all for break-even. How disspiriting.
I think if I had to watch all 23 innings at regular speed, I would have pulled all my hair out. Thanks to my best baseball pal ever, Mr. TiVo, I was only mildly disturbed.