Idiots Write About Sports

Reader Marvin Gardens perfectly encapsulates my thinking about this turn of events.

You’ll be pleased to know, Caple has abandoned the Zimmer Fake Quote columns.
Instead, he’s doing Jessica Simpson.
God is dead.

Is He ever, Marvin. Is He ever.
Perhaps this is presumptious thinking on my part, but I now feel as I’m locked in a battle of wills with Jim Caple. “So the little punk didn’t like my endless stream of Don Zimmer fake-quote columns, huh?” Caple said aloud, as he hastily cut-and-pasted jokes from previous columns into an entirely “new” article. “Well, let’s see how he likes it when I write fake-quote columns by so-totally-five-minutes-ago celebrities!”
The answer: I do not like it. Not one bit.
But if this is some attempt to get me to crack, to get me to throw up my hands and abandon the Jim Caple Hack-O-Meter, it is misspent effort. Never shall I yield. Never shall I surrender. Never shall I stop tallying the number of times Jim Caple repeats the same jokes and conceits over and over again. I will not stop until one or the both of us lie dead.
Fake Quote columns o 15
David Wells is Fat! o 7
iI Hate the Yankeesi references o 5
Steve Bartman references o 3
Grady Little references o 2
References to the Oakland Athleticsi poor fundamentals o 2
Johnny Damon is a filthy hippie! o 2
Derisive references to Alex Rodriguez as iCapini o 1
Derisive references to Tom Hicks o 1