Idiots Write About Sports

Pitchers and catchers report in less than a week.

Are there nine words in the English language that sound so beautiful when strung together in that order? Seriously. “There has been a bank error in your favor” — that’s a good one. And “Once again, Mr. Michaels, you are right about everything” — I can’t deny the beauty of that. “Pierzynski has been traded — but not to your team.” A beautiful, beautiful sentiment.

But I think I’m going to have to hang with “Pitchers and catchers report in less than a week.”

And the best thing about that particular sentence is that it happens to be true. In about four days time, at diamonds throughout the greater Phoenix metroplex, in and around Tucson and up down the Florida peninsula, baseballs will be tossed, millionaires will do light calisthenics, and fans of non-Bronx-based teams will convince themselves that they have as good a chance as anyone to contend for a pennant. It’s the annual rite of renewal called Spring Training, and if you don’t go in for that “spring as a time of re-awakening” jazz, you can’t help but take notice of baseball’s preseason, even if it’s only because the rest of the sports landscape is so barren during the month of February.

I can’t say that I buy into that “in spring training, we’re all contenders” malarky that a lot of unimaginative sportswriters will be churning out in the next few weeks. Try explaining why this is a time of unbridled optimism to a Royals fan who looks out toward the outfield and sees Terrance Long contending for a starting job.

But I dig spring training, nonetheless. I think it’s because we’re breaking a six-month baseball-free drought. Yeah, the games don’t count and they’re usually played by guys who are more likely to wind up plying their wares in Memphis and Colorado Springs this year than at Fenway or Wrigley. But baseball’s baseball, especially after a long, cold winter of opening up the sports section and reading desultory stories of linebackers and point guards.

So, since we’re all start going to be making mental plans to steal away to the desert and/or Florida peninsula, I thought I’d share a few spring training pointers from the vast wealth of my experience.

Why me? Well, it’s my weblog, and I’m not terribly interested in writing about Jose Canseco just yet. Also, I have been heading out to Phoenix for a little less than a decade now — my trip next month will be my seventh spring-training outing in the last eight years. So I figured I’ve picked up a detail or two on where to go, where to eat, and which Scottsdale Road-based adult cabarets fail to deliver on their promised thrills.

Just checking to see if you’re paying attention.

Anyhow, a few caveats: I’m concentrating on the Cactus League here, because the team I root for trains there, and that’s where I usually wind up going. I’ve never been to Florida, though this past Christmas, my sister bought me a copy of Florida Spring Training, and my brother-in-law lives in Lakeland, a stone’s throw from where the Detroit Tigers train for whatever the Detroit Tigers of the world train for at this time of year. So maybe next spring in Florida…

We’re also breaking this up into two parts, since I’m wordy and a lousy edit. So in part one, let’s talk about…

The Stadiums

I'm listing these descending order from my favorite places to watch a ballgame to my least favorite. I'm excluding the two Tucson facilities because I have never been to Tucson. (Well... I did drive through it once in 1990 on my way to New Orleans, but you get the point.) And that's a shame, really, because I understand Hi Corbett Field has many of the same charms as Batista-era Havana (without the threat of Castro-led rebels seizing your possessions midway through the sixth inning).

I'm also excluding Phoenix Municipal Stadium because I've never actually been to a game there.

Yeah, that's right. I'm an A's fan, and I've never watched a game from their spring training facility. What do you want from? Every year I'm in town, the A's are playing road games. Anyhow, I've already got my tickets for the March 6 game, so we'll finally knock that "see a game at Phoenix Municipal" off the ol' to-do list.

I can claim at least three Spring Training memories related to Phoenix Municipal (which features ample parking and easy access to Papago Park):

• Last year, my wife and I snuck into the stadium, even though it was closed, to admire the recent renovations that had just been completed.
• In 2003, I stopped by the park on my way to catch a flight out of town so that I could purchase a t-shirt for the coming season. It was an A's-Angels game, and as I was walking away from the stadium and back to my car, a van came careening around the corner, nearly clipping me. The van stopped, and out hopped the entire Angels coaching staff. I have no idea why Mike Scioscia and Bud Black want to kill me.
• In 1998, my dad and I snuck into the ballpark -- Why am I always sneaking into this place? Jeez, that's messed up. -- to watch batting practice. Because my father refuses to walk any farther than he has to, he insisted on parking in the players lot. "No one will notice," he said, as he parked my '91 Acclaim next to the SUVs, BMWs, and sports cars that well-compensated athletes are none to favor. I remember us passing Sandy Alderson on our way out of the lot and nodding at him in a friendly, familiar manner. Just make like you're supposed to be there, friends, and you'll be amazed at the places they'll let you walk into.

The other stadiums in the Phoenix-Scottsdale area:

• Peoria Sports Complex

Home Of: San Diego Padres, Seattle Mariners
Tickets: $5 lawn, $9 bleacher, $14 upper box and outfield box, $17 infield box, $22 club seating
Food Selection/Quality: Great on both counts

Eric Byrnes practices swinging wildly at balls way out of the strike zone at the Peoria Sports Complex

There's a class of spring training attendees that really dislikes stadiums like the Peoria Sports Complex. Their argument: The stadium is too big, too impersonal, and too far removed from the field of play to offer that "you are there" feeling of intimacy associated with spring trainings of old. It's got luxury seats and room for 11,000 for heaven's sakes!

Mr. Spiezio, tear down this wall!

I don't subscribe that view. Peoria is intimate enough for my tastes, and besides, it's not like anyone's holding you at gunpoint and forcing you to sit in those upper box seats, are they?

One of the things I like about Peoria is that it has a county fair-like field. The concourses are wide enough to where folks are able to set up tents and sell a variety of comestibles -- brats, chicken, freshly squeezed lemonade. It's a nice break from the usual ballpark fare. Every one of these places has a berm out beyond the outfield fence where folks can set -- the one in Peoria just feels more expansive and sunny.

Have some chicken, jerk!

Also, if you're the kind of person that likes watching the assorted drills that go one during spring training, the practice fields, batting cages and other facilities are right there next to the stadium. And two teams train there. Tired of watching the Mariners work on bunts? Stroll over to the other side of the complex and watch the Padres do wind sprints.

Parking is ample, but there's not much in the way of surface street parking. Translation: you're going to have to pay if you're going to the games. (I've always been able to park for free when I just go to the morning workouts.)

The one downside to Peoria: it's not really that near the rest of the spring training facilities in the Phoenix-Scottsdale area -- about 30 miles from Sky Harbor International if this Yahoo map is to be believed. It's worth the drive, I say, but your mileage may vary.

• Maryvale Baseball Park

Home Of: Milwaukee Brewers
Tickets: $6 lawn, $10 outfield reserved, $12 infield reserve, $17 box seats
Food Selection/Quality: No idea

Let me say a few kind words about the Maryvale Baseball Park. It's a smallish (8,000 capacity), low-key ballpark that retains some of that small-scale feel that old-timers are always yammering on about. The bern seating is quite nice and only $6. When I used to stay at the Super 8 Motel on Black Canyon Highway, Maryvale was a little less than eight miles away, making it a super convenient locale for sating my baseball jones. And since the park is in a residential area, I was able to park on a side street, thus denying Bud Selig and his duly appointed trustees any parking revenue from me. (Note: I can't imagine that the locals in the Maryvale area are terribly thrilled by the sight of outsiders like myself parking on their surface streets, and since it has been several years since I've been to Maryvale, the police may have started cracking down on this sort of behavior. So proceed with caution.)

Now let me say a few unkind works about the Maryvale Baseball Park. You will have to watch the Milwaukee Brewers perfecting their special brand of awful.

• Tempe Diablo Stadium

Home Of: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in the County of Orange
Tickets: $5 lawn, $8 grandstand, $12 pavilion, $15 field box
Food Selection/Quality: Standard ballpark fare/gag me

It's tiny -- 9,785 capacity, but that includes lawn seating. It's got great views -- a butte looms over left field. And it's conveniently located -- just 10 minutes from the airport and an easily manageable walk from my hotel of choice. Also, Arte Moreno strolls through the stands, so you might get a chance to explain to him that Anaheim is not actually located in Los Angeles County.

See... I told you... buttes!

So what's not to like about Tempe Diablo Stadium?

Well... it gets a trifle warm there thanks to row upon row of aluminum seating. And I would heavily advise against treating yourself to a Diablo Dog at one of the scantily stocked concession stands unless you find choking down the fires of hell in hot dog form to be a pleasurable experience. Also, if you're a fan of lawn seating, be advised that Diablo Stadium only has a berm out in left -- right field is a parking lot.

Former Angels owner Gene Autry, frozen in carbonate and stored at Tempe Diablo Stadium

But these are minor complaints. You're right on top of the action. You can interact with the players if they deign to acknowledge your existence. The practice facilities are right near by. It's a fun place to be.

• Hohokam Stadium

Home Of: Chicago Cubs
Tickets: $5 lawn, $6 grandstand, $14 terrace field, $17 terrace box, $18 field box
Food Selection/Quality: Standard ballpark fare/good

A couple of five years ago, I was sitting down the right field line in Hohokam, about 90 minutes before a Cubs-Giants game. There were a few players on the field working out, but really, no one in my immediate vicinity. It was somewhere in the mid-70s, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and I was sipping a very good microbrew. And I remember thinking, "Man, if there's anything better than this, I would really like to hear about it."

That said, I prefer the previously mentioned venues to Hohokam. Since it's in Mesa, the stadium is a little bit out of the way. Also, since the Cubs train there, you get a lot of fans showing up -- capacity is around 12,575, and there aren't many of those seats that go unfilled. If you enjoy large crowds as part of your baseball-watching experience, this probably isn't a concern. If, however, you are a miserable hermit like me, that many people in one place is only slightly off-putting.

One last Hohokam anecdote: there's a older gent who sit out in the outfield area who leads "Whoo! Cubs!" chants. The entire game. Every game. That wears on the soul after a few innings.

Please don't tell me the older gent passed away recently, or else I'll feel like a real horse's ass.

• Surprise Stadium

Home Of: Kansas City Royals, Texas Rangers
Tickets: $6 lawn, $11 plaza seats, $14 infield seats, $17 dugout.
Food Selection/Quality: Pretty good on both counts.

This is very similar to the stadium in Peoria -- two teams at the facility, practice grounds right next to the stadium, and lots and lots of seats (including a second deck!). This is only the third year that the Royals and Rangers have trained in Surprise (after years in the Grapefruit League), so there's a newness about the whole place.

Which is all well and good, because the stadium itself out in the middle of nowhere.

OK, that's unfair. Surprise, Arizona, is doubtlessly a lovely city with many things to recommend it. It's also a 53 minute drive from Phoenix. And unlike Peoria, where you're driving on freeways for most of the way, the drive to Surprise is almost entirely on surface streets.

Surprise! You've just driven a million miles!

That's certainly a manageable jaunt -- on the way there. But heading back to Phoenix, I got stuck in a traffic jam. It also didn't help that I got hopelessly, ridiculously lost. At any rate, it steeled my resolve to not make too many trips out to the Surprise complex unless it was on the way into or out of town.

Which is just as well, since I understand the Rangers employ violent hotheads.

• Scottsdale Stadium

Home Of: San Francisco Giants
Tickets: $8 lawn, $11 bleachers, $13 outfield box, $14 line box, $16 grandstand, $18 upper box, $21 lower box.
Food Selection/Quality: Eh...

Perhaps someone can wax enthusiastically about Scottsdale Stadium. Me, I find the charm elusive. Perhaps I'd feel differently if I were a Giant fan. Or if I liked high-price tickets. But I'm not, and I don't. So I try to give this place a wide berth.

Because the stadium is right in downtown Scottsdale -- which is really a nice place to eat and shop, actually -- traffic is a bit dicey. Also, finding a place to park isn't always a snap; I usually wind up parking in one of the auxiliary lots around town, and either grabbing a shuttle bus or hoofing it. My advise, either way is to get there early.

I remember reading a few years ago that the best food at Scottsdale Stadium is actually served at the hospital across the street. I can neither confirm nor deny this.

Next Up: Where to Eat, Where to Stay, and Other Miscellaneous Nonsense

Nice post. Good info. Very well done.

The photo captions alone are worth the price of admission, which admittedly is nothing, but still...that's a compliment.

Good job -- and I'm glad you're getting to Phx. Muni this year. It's worth it.

I work in Phoenix at the Salt River Project, which has its offices right next to Muni. That's got some nice perks -- when everyone else is scrounging for parking, I just pull into an employee's lot, and walk about 150 feet.

Over my lunch break I usually wander over and catch a piece of a game or practice if they're there (and the A's other practice facility is only a mile up the road).

Enjoy the Mar. 6 game. I'll be there, too, incidentally. If I see you around I'll buy you a beer -- least I can do since I've been reading your stuff since '99 or so.

Josh: that's our moto here at the Idiot's Sports Blog -- Funny captions or your money back.

Russell: you're on. I'll be the fat gent in the A's cap. That should narrow it down.

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