Idiots Write About Sports

As you may have noticed during yesterday’s trouncing of the World Champions by the usually overmatched Oakland Athletics, David Wells has ditched his mustache.

I can’t quite place my finger on it, but doesn’t Wells’ new look remind you of someone?

“I’ve seen horrors… horrible pitching outings that you’ve seen. But you have no right to call me a free-agent bust. You have a right to remove me from the game. You have a right to do that… but you have no right to judge me.

“Horror has a face… and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and the sweeping curve are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies.

“I remember when I was with the Detroit Tigers. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into camp to play a spring training game against the Reds. We left the camp after we had played the spring training game, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn’t see. We went back there and Steinbrenner had come and signed every free agent. There they were in a pile. A pile of little uniforms.

“And I remember… I… I… I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized… like I was shot… like I was shot with a fastball… a Pedro Martinez fastball right at my forehead. And I thought: My God… the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. This was a large-market team. This team that fought with its payroll, who had a depleted farm system, who had a cable-TV station… it had the strength… the strength… to do that. If I had a contract like the one that franchise doled out, our troubles here would be over very quickly.”

See, I saw him and thought of Fred Durst.

Which is even worse, in a way.

I think we're all in agreeance about that.

Holy crap! He does look like Fred Durst, just fatter.

That was awesome.

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