Idiots Write About Sports

Gentle readers —

The other day, I told you that I had injured my neck while performing the seemingly routine task of taking a shower. Many of you accepted my explanation without comment. However, more than a few readers raised an eyebrow at the suggestion that I — a heavily conditioned professional writer — could injure myself doing something so mundane as rinsing the shampoo out of my hair.

It turns out you were right to be suspcious. I wasn’t telling you the complete story.

The truth is, I did not just injure myself taking a shower. I injured myself taking a shower with a a package of deer meat that I got from Todd Helton.

Yes, I took a shower with a bag full of deer meat. You know a better way to thaw frozen deer meat? OK, then.

While I may not have been entirely truthful before, believe me when I categorically deny the accussation that Todd Helton was also in the shower with me or that just before my shower, Todd Helton and I were riding ATVs. I don’t think it’s right to bring Todd Helton into something like this. And I will fight this smear campaign until such time as I am forced to alter my story again.

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