Idiots Write About Sports

Sitting at home, watching the suddenly resurgent A’s try to take two-of-three from the White Sox, and scrolling through the headlines when I come across this one:

Michaels Charged with Assaulting Police Office

What? Me? This is a frame-up! It was the booze!

No, really, your honor, I was at home on the evening in question playing Scrabble with my wife. Ask her yourself. Also be sure to ask her about the triple-word score that allowed me to vault ahead of her in the waning moments of our contest. I’m sure she won’t mind telling you about it — I know I love to hear it.

Actually, the Michaels in question is Jason Michaels of the Philadelphia Phillies who spent nine hours in custody after allegedly punching a uniformed police officer outside a Philadelphia night club. He’s no relation, unless there’s free tickets in it for me. If there is, welcome to the family, long-lost Cousin Jason!

I am toying with the idea of obtaining a Jason Michaels jersey for myself, even though my interest in the fortunes of the Philadelphia baseball club might best be described as sub-minimal. Still, the jersey says “Michaels” on the back and a bastardization of “Philip” on the front, which is about as close as seeing my name on a mjaor league uniform as I’m ever likely to get.

You know if there was a guy surnamed Lutz on a team called the Milwaukee Steve-os or a fellow named Snell playing for the Boston MonkeyBoys that both of those guys would be first in line for the replica jerseys, so I don’t think I’m being weird here at all.

Post a comment