Idiots Write About Sports

Say, people are always asking me. Don’t you have a blog where you write about the triumphs and tragedies of the Oakland Athletcs.
Yes, I do, I usually tell them.
Well, then you must be enjoying the A’s current run of success — not just as a fan, but for all the material it’s providing you.
Well, I am enjoying it, I say. But truth be told, I haven’t been writing much about the A’s lately.
Huh, people inevitably ask.
I haven’t been writing about them much, I repeat, because when I was writing about them a lot earlier in the season, they did poorly. And the moment, I scaled back some of my blog posts, they immediately began to turn their season around. So I’m afraid that if I resume regular posts about their exploits, they’ll return back to the mire they found themselves in as recently as May.
At this point, people generally reach the same conclusion: you’re a loony, they say. And I really can’t argue with them.
It’s stupid to even entertain the notion that any of the drivel I post here has any cosmic effect on Oakland’s fortunes. And yet, I’m afraid to marvel in writing at the A’s success for fear that they’re riding a bubble so delicate, one word from my direction will cause it to burst. It’s also stupid to think that my clothing choices have any impact on what the A’s do on the field. And yet, I find myself working my way through assorted green t-shirts — and occasionaly, gray shirts, but only if Oakland is on the road — because, well, obviously, the A’s have done very well since I began this particular clothing policy.
A few weeks back, my wife and I had this exchange:
“Do you want me to return that blue shirt I got you?” she asked me.
“No, I like it,” I said. “I think it looks great.”
“But you haven’t worn it yet.”
“No, of course not.”
“Well, why not.”
“Because,” I said, in as patient a voice I could muster. “The A’s played a four-game series against the Rangers in Oakland, and now we’re in the middle of a four-game series in Texas. And the Rangers wear blue.”
“So?” she said, her voice not nearly so patient as mine.
“I can’t wear blue when the A’s are playing the Rangers,” I said. “I simply can’t.”
I think she eventually came around to my point of view, as evidenced by the fact that it’s been a couple of weeks and I still haven’t been served with divorce papers.
Anyhow, let’s avoid this talk of how I may or may not be dooming the A’s with my wardrobe choices or the obvious far-reaching effects of my blog on Oakland’s playoff chances and turn our attention to another random string of events that obviously possess some far greater meaning. Did you know that for the last four seasons, the A’s have played the eventual winner of the National League pennant?
This is a more impressive run of chance than you might think. After all, in any given season, the A’s don’t play games against two-thirds of the Senior Circuit. And in each season since 2001, four of the five NL opponents that Oakland plays has changed from year to year.
In 2001, the A’s played the Arizona Diamondbacks in Phoenix, sweeping the three-game set. (The July 6 game is particularly notable, as it featured Mark Mulder taking a perfect game into the eighth before Danny Bautista — who apparently lacks all sense of historial occasion — singled.) The sweep proved pivotal to the A’s, improving their record to 44-43 and allowing them to get a toe back into the playoff race. Still, things worked out well enough for the Diamondbacks — they won the National League pennant and bested the Yankees in the World Series.
In 2002, the A’s played the San Francisco Giants, as the two teams have during every season since interleague baseball first began blighting the schedule. The A’s won four of six from the Giants, who used their poor showing in the Bay Bridge Series as motivation to win the NL wildcard, capture the pennant, and then win the World Series from the Angels 3 games to 2 before losing two meaningless exhibiton games in Anaheim. (As a condition of hosting the site, Jason insists that we report the results of the 2002 World Series in this manner. We have always been at war with Eurasia.)
In 2003, the A’s flew to Miami to face the Florida Marlins. The crafty Fish, realizing the A’s might stand in the way of a World Series victory come October, conspired to doom Oakland’s chances by assembling a shoddily-built pitcher’s mound that crippled Mark Mulder. The hip of Oakland’s ace thus shattered, the evil Marlins marched on to the NL wild-card and an eventual World Series triumph over the New York Yankees.
And of course, last year, the A’s went to St. Louis to provide the cannon fodder for the Cardinals in their unstoppable march to a National League pennant. The series was notable largely for a blown save and subsequent outburst by Arthur Rhodes that finally convinced the A’s of his overall worthlessness.
Which brings us to 2005 and the inevitable continuation of Oakland’s role as the divining rod for sorting out National League contenders. A quick glance at the A’s five interleague opponents eliminates three from consideration — sorry, Giants, Phillies, and Mets, but I don’t think you’ll need to reschedule those October vacation plans. For a time, the Washington Nationals looked like a solid bet to keep the streak alive. But subsequent events have revealed that whatever genie was distributing good ju-ju the Nats’ way has departed the Beltway, seemingly for good.
Which leaves us with the Atlanta Braves, who, as of this writing, find themselves 4 1/2 games in front of their nearest competitor in the National League East. Let others marvel at Bobby Cox’s managerial skills or ponder how the Braves keep winning with a lineup full of rookies. When the Atlanta nine storm the field to celebrate sixth pennant of the Cox Era, those of us in the know will realize that the Atlanta braintrust will have the schedulemakers to thank for lining up that three-game series with Oakland in June.
Of course, I could always stop wearing red t-shirts during the post-season. That could throw off the calculus considerably.