Idiots Write About Sports

Well, Barry Bonds is back, and much to this hapless Padres fan’s chagrin, he’s playing almost exactly like he did before his lengthy drug reha… er, knee rehab. He’s taking good swings, making us throw twenty pitches every time he’s at the plate, putting the ball in play, and causing the Pads the usual splitting headache. Sure, away from the plate Barry’s a little sluggish, but that’s not exactly a change; the only difference is that he now has a pretty good excuse for loafing in the field and on the basepaths.
I’m just as thrilled to discover that something else hasn’t changed while Bonds has been away. It turns out that a preponderance of the Giants fans who attend home games are still jackasses! Setting aside the boneheads in the bleachers who turned Bonds’ first at-bat from a likely single to a ground rule double, the crowd at PacBC still boos loudly every goddamn time Bonds takes a pitch.
Look, I can kind of understand the frustration that must attend seeing Bonds so rarely get a pitch to hit. And when you’ve got brilliant strategists like Buck Showalter deliberately walking in a run in order to avoid a Bonds slam, I can even understand occasionally playing that damnable chicken dance over the P.A.
But people, I’ve been watching the Padres get humiliated by Barry’s Giants for nearly a decade, and I can assure you that the San Diego pitching staff treats Bonds only slightly more gingerly than any other hitter. They usually end up regretting it, but Pads pitchers almost always throw him strikes. The two exceptions are when the situation would justify giving an intentional walk to any power hitter, and when the pitcher is simply too inept to hit the strike zone. In fact, when you’re facing San Diego, you should always assume the latter regardless of who’s at the plate.
So hey, when the Pads are up by three and Bonds steps into the batter’s box with nobody on base, it’s really not necessary to boo if the first pitch just happens to be a ball. And if, during a later at bat, a pitcher places one low and outside on a 0-2 count, that too might be a good time to consider holding your tongue. Just because your team’s organization is classless enough that they actually install a huge chicken in the outfield to tally up intentional walks doesn’t mean that you have to stoop to their level. Remember, this is the same group that brought you Rusty the Mechanical Man. Do you really want to take your social cues from these people?