Idiots Write About Sports

Not to muscle in on the noble work being done so selflessly by other Web sites, but I happened to be listening to the ESPN Radio broadcast of last night’s White Sox-Angels game when Joe Morgan was called upon to give his analysis of Game Two of the NLCS. Here’s what to expect in tonight’s Cards-Astro clash, courtesy of our man, Joe.

Well, if he’s healthy Mulder will get the job done. But Oswalt will get the job done, too.

So there you have it. Both Mulder and Oswalt, pitching on opposite teams, will get the job done. The Cardinals and the Astros will play to a scorless tie that will stretch long into the night. Then, during the 216th inning, the exhausted home plate umpire will be replaced by Doug Eddings, who will rule that Craig Biggio’s grounder to short is actually a three-run home run. Eddings will then refuse to let the Cardinals take their at-bats, declaring that St. Louis has batted out of order. A beaming Bud Selig will appear on the field, and, at the urging of John Henry, declare the Boston Red Sox champions of the National League.

Or, you know, one guy might out-pitch the other guy. But that might require actually voicing an opinion that could be proven wrong, huh, Joe?

On a mildly related note, I had to change the newspaper under the cats’ litter box today. While Zito shows an accuracy around the litter box that his namesake pitcher sometimes lacks around the strike zone, our other cat, Isabel, has apparently gotten it into her head that she is a feline version of Willie Moscone — in other words, nothing but trick shots from that one. “Watch me place this one in the far corner,” Isabel might as well say — hence the newspaper.

So how does this relate to Joe Morgan? Because I grabbed a section of the local fishwrap today, only to discover it contains a rather large photo of the ESPN analyst attending a local social function. That newspaper photo is now placed just to the side of the litter box where it awaits the cats’ editorial comment.

Right now, this cat is probably doing something unspeakable to Joe Morgan’s photo.

This turn of events probably amuses and fascinates me more than it should.

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