Idiots Write About Sports

While perusing the Inter-Web for A’s-related news this morning, I came across this Baseball Musings entry referencing an article from El Neuvo Dia de Puerto Rico reporting that Juan Gonzalez, now deemed irrelevant by this week’s Wily Mo Pena-to-Boston machinations, will continue his rapid descent into irrelevancy wearing the green-and-gold of Oakland. (Thankfully, it ain’t going to happen, unless A’s assistant GM David Forst is fibbing. We would like to remind Mr. Forst that all liars go to Hell, as should people who sign superfluous, aging outfielders to ill-advised contracts.)

Helpfully, someone in the comments section of the Baseball Musings post included a translation of the Puerto Rican article, courtesy of the Babel Fish free online translation tool. We now quote the relevant portion:

AFTER REJECTING a supply of the Red Averages of Boston, the jonronero boricua Juan ‘Igor’ González is now directed to be united to the Atléticos de Oakland.

The Red Averages of Boston! Fear the far-flung power of Red Averages Nation!

So here’s the deal: the English-to-Spanish translation of “Red Stockings” is, at least according to Babel Fish, “Medias Rojos.” And if you run that back through a Spanish-to-English translation, you wind up with Red Averages.

Some might say this illustrates the limitation of free online translation software. But me, I say it offers an excellent diversion to the easily amused. So I spent my free time today running Major League nicknames through both Babel Fish and the translation tool at SDL International to see just how many team names might send interpreters scurrying for a thesaurus.

Disappointly, a high number of team names translate just fine. The Gigantes de San Francisco, the Cerveceros de Milwaukee, the Piratas de Pittsburgh — all of these nicknames move easily, directly, dully from English to Spanish and back again. (Others that translate just fine: Braves, Devil Rays, Blue Jays, Tigers, Angels, Nationals, Athletics, Yankees, Indians, Reds, and Mets — provided you use the more formal “Metropolitans” or “Metropolitanos,” if you prefer.)

Some team names cause the translation programs to do the software equivalent of staring at me blankly. Babel Fish tells me the translation for Dodgers is “Trampistas;” SDL swears it’s “Marrulleros.” Neither one wil translate either word back into English, though SDL will posit that the English translation of Marruellero is “smooth.” (The Los Angeles Smooths? Clearly, SDL has no memory of the Steve Sax years.)

Both translation services say that the Spanish word for “Cardinal” is “Cardinal” — I assume that’s said with more panache than my anglicized tongue can muster. SDL would have you believe that the team in Arizona should be called the “Espaldas diamantadas,” though if you try translating that back to English you wind up with either “Backs Diamantadas” or “Made Shine Like Diamonds Backs” (which wouldn’t seem to fit on a jersey). Try as I might, I just can’t seem to find Spanish equivalents of “Astro” and “Phillie.” Please, Houston and Philadelphia — try selecting more easily translatable names for your sports franchises.

Nicknames that are actually adjectives seem to pose the most trouble for both programs. “Royal” translates to “Real,” but you try the Spanish-to-English translation and you wind up with “Real.” That’s very dull. “Rockies” translates to “Rocosos,” but that winds up being “Rocky” when you make the switch back to English — and that conjures up images of 25 Sylvester Stallones running about Coors Field. Yo Adrian, indeed.

There seems to be some disagreement on what exactly the Spanish word for Cubs — “Cachorros” — should be. SDL says “Cubs.” Babel Fish says “Puppies.” I say go with the funny one. Fight on, you Puppies.

The Pasadores de Florida may be the Marlins… or it may be the Florida Pins, if you rely on translation software to bridge the language gap. Baltimore’s nickname in Spanish is the Oropéndolas, which translates to “Golden Orioles” — I find this strangely evocative and believe the franchise should consider a formal name change. Get Mr. Angelos on the phone, pronto!

Mariners translates to Navegantes which translates back to either “Navigators” or “Seafaring,” depending which service you want to use. Why not take a play out of Arte Moreno’s playbook and use both? The Seattle Seafaring Navigators of Puget Sound has a nice ring to it.

The Texas Rangers, in the hands of translation software become Los Guardabosques de Texas — that’s the Texas Foresters for those of you who don’t habla the espanol. All I have to say about that is it would put a whole new spin on that Chuck Norris TV series from a few years back. Instead of a take-no-prisoners Texas lawman, Walker, Texas Forester would star Chuck Norris as a gentle forest ranger who, each week, would teach important lessons about safeguarding renewable resources, protecting endangered species, and recognizing the differences between evergreen and deciduous trees. Also, presumably, each week, he’d break the jaw of some meddling EPA official with a karate kick — this is Chuck Norris we’re talking about here.

Perhaps my favorite translated nickname is Minnesota’s — the Gemelos. Babel Fish tells me that this translates back into English as “Binoculars.” I believe Babel Fish is pulling my leg. Will it stop me from henceforth referring to the baseball team from Minneapolis as the Minnesota Binoculars? It will not.

My capacity for self-amusement is not so limitless that I felt compelled to see how Padres translated. Sorry, San Diego fans.

The "Eamus Catuli" sign on one of the buildings across Waveland Ave. (IIRC) at Wrigley has an interesting translation, for it means, according to one Latinate friend, "Go, young animals". Latin has no notion of a "Cub", and seems to be perfectly happy without it, being a dead language and all.

I remember reading a German article about the TV show "Angel" that had been translated through Babelfish. The title character became Fishing Rod. Considering David Boreanaz's acting skills, it wasn't entirely inaccurate.

really, the -amus ending corresponds to a first person plural, so the exact translation is "let's go, young animals"

but if you want to be all colloquial abt it, "let's go younguns!" works beautifully

Spanish is fun, but here's Chinese:

Florida Thin Ropes
Milwaukee Brewing Alcohols
Chicago Sons
St. Louis Bishops
Los Angeles Deceits
Arizona Water Chestnut Grain Back Sidewinders (!!!)
New York Americans
Boston Red Sulfides
Blue Color Jays
Chicago White Sulfides
Seattle Sailors

KOREAN - some of these are totally confusing, but I like Arizona and Texas.

Florida Chung Prematurely Gray Hairs(!?!?)
Oakland Athletic Contests
Seattle Crew
Arizona Animals which are diamond pattern
Chicago Young
Texas Patrolling Guard Unit (nice!)
Tampa Bay Place Pulleys (?)

Chicago Young?

Eamus Catulli indeed.

I wouldn't trust Babel Fish.

Post a comment