Idiots Write About Sports

Why I don’t post much around April 1: 2006 edition. Look, there’s even jokes related to sports and sports entertainment. And, curiously enough, the Tampa Bay Rowdies.

OK, one other sports-related tidbit — one of my cohorts wrote a joke involving the 1985 Chicago Bears, which, in turn, required that I track down a video of the Super Bowl Shuffle. And the one thing that struck me — besides the brilliance of the lyricist who gave us the “We’re not doing it because we’re greedy/the Bears are doing it to feed the needy” couplet — was how tiny the 1985 version of football players are compared to today’s hulking specimens. I mean, granted, the ‘85 Bears are not in full pads — that would not permit them to easily strut their stuff like we they could — but if you were to build yourself a time machine and take some members of a 2006 football team back to that set, my guess is they would easily dwarf the players of 20 years ago.

Now I absolutely hate the “Just look at ‘em!” line of steroid reasoning, as it lacks the rigor of the scientific method. However, I can’t count the number of times where, whenever the issue of performance-enhancers in baseball comes up, someone whips out Barry Bonds’ 1986 rookie card and slaps it alongside his swollen countenance of today. Now granted, you can’t do that with football, since the number of players to enjoy 20-year-careers is statistically insignificant. But when’s the last time you remember omeone looking at the football players of today and the normal-sized humans of yesteryear and putting football under the same scrutiny that baseball currently enjoys?

Oh, right — football has a steroid-testing policy in place. So it stands to reason that football players are just bigger these days, thanks to hard work and Campbell’s Chunky Soup.

Oh, and another great thing about the Super Bowl Shuffle. It paved the way for other sports-themed rap songs like 1986’s Get Metsmerized.

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