Idiots Write About Sports

So I’m debriefing Jason on his recent Midwestern trip in which he visited three different ballparks in three nights. (If you behave, kids, maybe one day Jason will tell you his tales of adventure, sparing you from more tortured posts from yours truly.) And the talk turned to local broadcasters, and how truly, truly dreadful Ken Harrelson is as an announcer.
Our consensus opinion: probably the worst English-speaking announcer of any sport. We don’t care to listen to any other contenders.
Because neither Jason nor I are solely negative nellies who exist only to cast aspersions on those who are more accomplished than us, we also talked about our favorite broadcast teams. With two years of MLB Extra Innings under my belt, my informed opinion is that the best announce team is the tandem of Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy over on NESN, followed closely by the Bay Area’s own Kruk and Kuip.
Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper would be the unquestioned leaders, I explained to Jason, except for the fact that they get a little too cutsey-pie for my tastes. You know, all that blathering about Ball Dudes and the whole “Grab some pine, meat” — it’s not to my liking.
“If you think that’s bad,” said Jason, who did not disagree with my central thesis, “you should see the ‘Erase me, Kruk’ bit. Now that’s really getting out of hand.”
This was news to me, since I typically don’t watch many Giants telecasts, but apparently Krukow has this thing where, if there’s a shot of a fan who’s not to his liking, he’ll start scribbling over the offending fan with the telestrator. This has become so popular with the gentry that fans are now bringing “Erase Me, Kruk” signs out to the park — not unlike the Circle Me, Bert signs popular among a depressingly large sample of Minnesota Twins fans — so that they can appear on the TV as part of Mr. Krukow’s telestrator schtick.
As if to prove Jason’s point, I’m watching tonight’s Giants-Cubs game because it came on right after the A’s win and I like to see me some history as much as the first guy. And I haven’t had the game on but 15 minutes before we get the evening’s first “Erase Me, Kruk” sign. Krukow gladly obliges.
I should point out that this frippery took place during the first inning. Of a 1-0 game. With runners on first and second. Immediately following a Bonds at-bat.
Hey, here’s some constructive criticism, Kruk: maybe focus on calling the game in that situation. Save the schtick for the deadspots and the blowouts. Because you are a couple gimmicks away from morphing into Hawk Harrelson. And nobody wants that, least of all Hawk.