Idiots Write About Sports

According to Bob Timmermann’s blog, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have completed their exhaustive search for a new nickname and are ready to announce that they shall be henceforth be known as: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays. At least for the rest of this season and next. They might go through all this rigamarole again before the 2008 season kicks off.

Should any Tampa Bay personnel be surfing the Web to gauge the world’s reaction to this startling turn of events, I would like to repeat a suggestion I offered up the last time Bob brought up this subject at The Griddle: Tampa Bay should drop the Rays nickname in favor of the more formal “Raymonds” moniker.

Ladies and gentlemen, stand up and cheer for Tampa Bay Raymonds.

In fact, I think the Ray…er… Raymonds should go one step further and mandate that all of their players go by ridiculously formalized names. Carl Crawford would become Carlton Crawford, Johnny Gomes would be announced as Johnathan J. Gomes, Ty Wiggington could become J. Pierpont Wigginton IV. And so forth. Also, the new, formal Raymonds would change their uniform colors to black and white. They should also go the ‘79 Pirates route and adopt unconventional hats — top hats, in this case. Monicles would be optional. Also, they could become the first ballclub to make spats and ascots part of the baseball ensemble. That would command instant respect for the franchise, I think.

Manager Joe Maddon of the new look Tampa Bay Raymonds

It’s a wonder no team has hired me away to mine these fabulous ideas I come up with.

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