Idiots Write About Sports

Because any East Coast-based A’s games get underway while I am still at work, I have set up a modest audio rig in my office that allows me to listen to the broadcasts on 1550 via my computer. So it was with Thursday night’s game against the hated Red Sox.

Now when I’m listening to a game at work, I have this habit of taking off the headphones when I come across a task I really need to concentrate on — it’s difficult enough editing stories without having to do it while sweating through an Esteban Loaiza pitch sequence — and putting the headphones back on once the task is completed. That’s what I was doing Thursday night — only everytime I put the headphones back on, it seemed to coincide with the Red Sox either scoring or an A’s rally fizzling out.

Mike Lowell’s home run? Heard that. Trot Nixon singling home David Ortiz? Heard that, too. And yes, I also heard Jason Kendall ground into an inning-ending double-play in the fourth, and the A’s making three quick outs after a Nick Swisher walk to lead off the fifth. Swisher’s home run? Had the headphones off for that one, naturally.

“And so the A’s go quietly in the sixth,” Vince Cotroneo might as well said. “Now for the love of God, Michaels, will you stop listening to the game so that Oakland at least has a fighting chance?”

Good enough for me. I turned off the radio.

Later that night, the wife and I went out for dinner and noticed that the game was still on TV. (I don’t think I even have to mention that I wasn’t listening when the A’s tied it in the seventh.) By that time, it was the eleventh inning, and Oakland held a 5-3 lead. There were two outs, when Kirk Saarloos gave up a hit to Jason Varitek that plated Gabe Kapler — apparently, this strange voodoo curse thing also works with television. Needless to say, when Lowell grounded out to end the game, I was cowering under a table somewhere.

So to recap Thursday night’s action — I saw every Boston run. I missed every A’s run. And everytime I did pay attention to the game, something miserable happened to Oakland.

I hope this is a one-time freak occurance and not a trend for the remainder of the second half. Otherwise, baseball is going to be a grim amusement for me for the rest of the season, as I receive sporadic reports of A’s games from inside my Fortress of Solitude.

Just like Billy Beane!

Look for Michael Lewis' book about me -- "Angry Drunkard: The Art of Taking Baseball Game Outcomes Personally" -- to hit book stores in time for Christmas.

Post a comment