Idiots Write About Sports

So I’m driving home from southern California yesterday, and since the Giants are playing the Padres, I can listen to the entire game on the radio, beginning with the “Mighty XX Radio Network” in Tijuana and concluding with “The Sports Leader” in San Francisco.

The first five innings, I get to listen to the Padres announcers, Jerry Coleman and Ted Leitner. Jerry Coleman is a pleasant fellow, and although he says many things that are nonsensical, they’re nonsensical in a sweet, confused-grandfather kind of way.

Ted Leitner, on the other hand, sounds like a million bucks. His voice is so smooth, I am shocked that this is the same man who barked the sports on local San Diego TV when I was in college. However, the words that come out of Ted’s mouth are not as smooth.

I realize that sometimes it’s hard to listen to announcers for teams other than your own. But Ted’s got an old-school commitment to stats that just kills me. For every hitter, he’s got a clutch of stats that he’s obviously reading off a stat sheet — but the stats are almost a parody of what a stats-ignorant broadcaster would use. All pitchers are judged primarily by their won-loss record, and secondarily by their ERA. Even within the ERA category, a pitcher’s ERA against the opposing team (“in four starts against the Padres last year, his ERA was 3.12!”) seems to be a favorite, small sample size (and irrelevancy of pitching against laundry) be damned. For batters, it’s all about the RBI, and secondarily the batting average.

Leitner — whose homerist tendencies apparently revolve around his catch-phrase “My Padres!” — spent some time talking about how while AT&T Park is certainly a quaint little stadium, it can’t hold a candle to Petco Park, with its sandy outfield and its old brick supply building. And Petco is a beautiful park. But better than AT&T? Nope.

But my favorite moment of listening to Jerry and Ted was when Ted began systematically picking apart the hated Barry Bonds. Seems the topic of Willie Mays had come up, and both Jerry and Ted agreed that Willie Mays was a better all-around player than Bonds. Jerry, with the wisdom of the ages, opined that Bonds’ major hole as a player was a lack of arm strength. Jerry was right. Ted, on the other hand, complained that Bonds has never been able to throw, and that he’s just terrible in the field.

The numerous gold gloves notwithstanding, anyone who’s followed Bonds for any length of time knows that Bonds has always had a weak arm, but an incredibly accurate one, and that when Bonds combines his extremely high level of baseball intelligence with his accurate arm, he can be deadly from the outfield. He has never been a gun-‘em-down-at-home kind of guy who keeps people from tagging on medium fly balls. But to ridicule him based on his arm strength? C’mon, Ted, there are plenty of better ways to rib Barry Bonds. Pick one that’s accurate.

The most mind-boggling moment of the rant, however, was when Ted pointed out that before Barry began popping pills and rubbing on cream a few years back, he wasn’t much of a home-run hitter.

I laughed and laughed and laughed all the way down the Grapevine.

As I have mentioned before, I once wrote an article on Casey Stengel and called up Jerry Coleman -- who played for Stengel -- for an interview. Couldn't have been more gracious with his time, more pleasant over the phone, and more well-versed on the subject matter. Jerry Coleman is A-No.-1 in my book.

Ted Leitner? I know a guy who once cleaned his carpets...

I really enjoyed listening to Jerry. We even got an "Oh, Doctor!" during our five innings.

Ted Leitner, despite his eerily young voice, was crap.

Posted by Jason at July 24, 2006 10:29 PM

Coleman is, from all I've read and heard, a very nice man, who has been broadcasting for years and years. However, he keeps getting harder and harder to listen to - because he doesn't tell you what's going on.

Leitner is better at covering the game.
He's definitely a home team guy, though.

His "My Padres" schtick is a good humored joke, because when the Pads are losing, he refers to them (in the same tone of voice) as "Your Padres". "After six innings, it is: Giants 3, Your Padres 1"

He does have a burr under his saddle about Barry Bonds, though. He should just let it go. Having Barry play this year ought to be punishment enough for the Giants.

can we get Vince Sculley as an announcer for the Pads???? (lol)

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