Idiots Write About Sports

If I were a betting man — and my willingness to buy real estate in Northern California just as the market has begun to cool suggests that I am — I would expect to see Dusty Baker walking out of Wrigley Field with a cardboard box full of purloined office supplies any day now. Whenever you see headlines like “Cubs GM Hendry to mull Baker’s future,” it generally bodes ill for the mull-ee. I can’t think of one time in recorded history where someone with firing power has gone off to mull the future of their manager, only to come back with a “After much consideration, I determine your future to be bright!” prognosis. When it gets to the mulling stage, start updating your resumé.

As befits his particular style, Dusty appears relatively sanguine about the forthcoming mulling. And, in this Chicago Tribune article, he proves to be as deft at handling analogies as he is with handling pitching staffs peopled with fragile arms. Which is to say, not very.

“If the airplane has a failure, it has a black box where everybody is going to see whether it was pilot error or mechanical error or failure or whatever,” [Baker] said. “The one thing you learn about in life, no matter what job you’re in, is you’re going to have your turn to be in that box, whether you’re a manager or a coach or a CEO or a president or a janitor.

“You know everybody is going to get a chance in what I call the black blame box, because that’s what it is.”

So Dusty is the pilot? Or is he the box? Which would make Jim Hendry what — the FAA investigator? Who shoves Dusty into a box? I’m very confused. I think we can all agree that the 2006 Cubs are like an aviation disaster at any rate. And while you try to make sense of what Dusty is trying to say, we invite you to enjoy this item on how to blog the Dusty Baker way.

A question for Dusty: does the black blame box play better in the heat than white blame boxes?

They don't play better in hte heat, but they are considerably more buoyant. Which can come in quite handy when the team crashes somewhere out in the ocean. Or something.

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