Idiots Write About Sports

So I have on the ESPN Sunday Night Game between the Mets and the Cubs, when Joe Morgan says the sort of thing that has caused entire Web sites to spring up.

Juan Pierre is at the plate. As you may or may not be aware, he is not exceptionally good at his chosen profession — a leadoff hitter who, according to this year’s Baseball Prospectus book, ranks 89th among active players in on-base percentage. And yet, you don’t have to look too hard to find people who insist he’s a great leadoff hitter. I guess bunting for a single to lead off Game One of the 2003 World Series carries a lot of weight with folks.

Anyhow, John Miller quotes a statistic as if to underscore what I just said above — that when the count goes to 0-2 against Pierre, he is something on the order of 0-for-53 this year. (This may not be the exact figure, but it’s close enough for government work.) Surely, this will merit some sort of insight from leading baseball analyst Joe Morgan about the folly of batting Pierre in the leadoff slot.

“That stat can’t be right,” Morgan said.

Oh, Joe, you never fail to disappoint.

“Sometimes, stats can be wrong,” added Morgan, who vowed to verify the stat’s veracity after the game.

There are two people who I think it would be neat to spend considerable time with — the first would be a talented cooking personality along the lines of Alton Brown, who hosts the very entertaining and informative Good Eats. Besides coming across a generally affable fellow, he also strikes me as someone who doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and for that reason, I think it would be entertaining to watch the train-wreck of a cooking show Semi-Home Made with Sandra Lee to get his take on the culinary malpractice performed in each half-hour episode.

The other person who make for a fascinating dinner companion would be the poor soul who has to look up statistics for ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball. Imagine spending the week researching two teams, digging up stats like the one on Pierre, and preparing them for the broadcasters to use in a national telecast. And then imagine all that hardwork being dismissed by Joe Morgan when one of the stats you’ve compiled displeases him.

So what I’d like to know is this: does the stats guy on ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball telecast regard Joe like the rest of us feel about that crazy uncle of ours who says outlandish things but who we generally treat like a harmless coot? Or is each Sunday a struggle to resist the temptation to whap Joe upside the head with a copy of the Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract?

I’m guessing it’s probably somewhere in the middle. I mean, I’d like to pop Joe with the thick book, and I hardly even know him. Then again, I’m the uncharitable sort.

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