September 24, 2006
A View to a Kill
Look, everyone!
It’s a shot of the A’s not clinching at home. Just like Eric Chavez hoped they wouldn’t.
August 6, 2006
James Garfield to DL, Swisher Ascends to Presidency
From the looks of it, Nick Swisher has apparently won the plum role of Chester A. Arthur in the A’s annual Parade of Presidents pageant.
One of these men is the 21st President of the United States, and the other plays first base for the A’s, but I’ll be damned if I can tell you which is which.
Why am I posting this here? Uh… no reason.
August 3, 2006
Don’t Look Here — Look Over There
Well, all good things must come to an end. And so must ill-conceived, barely noticed things, apparently, which is why my Athletics-related rantings in this neck of the virtual woods will be coming to an end.
Ah, but the seven or eight faithful readers of this site shouldn’t fly into a blind panic or rend their garments or sing hosannas to the heavens for my untimely departure. I’m going to continue writing about the A’s — I’ll just be doing it in a different venue.
Ken Arneson has suggested that we join forces over at Catfish Stew, and I decided to quickly accept his offer before he could have any second thoughts. Remember, Ken — no takebacks.
I’m joining Catfish Stew after a series of intense negotiations in which Ken won the right to my services in exchange for a Philly cheesesteak. While that may not seem like much, consider that Ken — much like the Rangers when they signed A-Rod to that deal — was pretty much bidding against himself.
I mean, say what you will about Scott Boras, but that guy gets results. He really earned that 10 percent of my cheesesteak.
In all seriousness, I think this is a tremendous opportunity. You only have to count the innumerable times I’ve linked to something Ken’s written to know how highly I regard his work. I only hope to live up to the high standard that’s set at each and every one of the blogs under the Toaster banner, and that looking smart-by-association is as inevitable as I’ve been led to believe.
While my piteous cries for Ken Macha’s head and other such A’s-related schtick will now take place over at Catfish Stew, I plan to continue posting stuff here at the Idiots weblog — petty complaints about other sports happenings, strange vendettas against newspaper men who offend my sensibilities, and photos of me wearing Hawaiian shirts at athletic venues across the land will continue to appear here as time and circumstances permit. I’ll do so not just because of the copious amounts of free time I apparently have or because of my insatiable lust to see my byline over and over again, but because one of the great joys in my life is to work with Jason Snell, who is a fine colleague and an even better friend. And if anyone points out to him that I wrote that, I plan on saying it was a typo.
So let’s not think of this as a goodbye — let’s think of it more as a click over here.
August 1, 2006
When Ex-Athletics Attack
We are alerted by Deadspin to the battle of wits taking place between erstwhile Athletics Cory Lidle and Arthur Rhodes as the former leaves the latter behind in Philadelphia. Traded to the Yankees, Lidle used his departure from Philadelphia as a forum to discuss how he didn’t exactly feel the love from his ex-teammates. Arthur Rhodes responded as only Arthur Rhodes can, with rancor and histrionics:
“He is a scab,” Rhodes said of Lidle, who according to Rhodes was a replacement player during the 1995 spring training lockout with the Brewers. “When he started, he would go 51/3 innings and (the bullpen) would have to win the game for him. The only thing Cory Lidle wants to do is fly around in his airplane and gamble.“He doesn’t have a work ethic. After every start, he didn’t run or lift weights. He would sit in the clubhouse and eat ice cream.”
We love, love, love this story for several reasons:
- Cory Lidle was the starting pitcher for one of our most miserable experiences at the ballpark, Game Four of the 2001 American League Division Series against the New York Yankees. We can still see Cory Lidle standing on the mound, taking approximately 45 minutes in between pitches as the thought of throwing the ball anywhere near the plate apparently filled him with abject terror. Considering that the Yankees’ starter that day was Orlando Hernandez, who apparently labors under the belief that he is paid by the hour, this game took an estimated four days, seven hours and 32 minutes to complete. Anyhow, we are giddy at the thought that Yankees fans will now have the distinct pleasure of watching Cory Lidle come up small when the chips are on the line, and we advise those same fans to pack ample food and water to any playoff game he should happen to pitch.
- It is always nice to catch up with Enemy of the People Arthur Rhodes and see how his one-man battle to take every sentence ever uttered as a personal affront is going. If Arthur could only put half the effort into pitching as he does into taking offense at the slightest provocation, then they would be clearing space next to Bruce Sutter’s plaque at that museum up in Cooperstown for Rhodes’ eventual enshrinement.
Or course, Rhodes simply sucks, so they won’t have to go through the bother.
- Our secret shame is that we spend far too much time playing dice baseball, certainly more than any grown man should spend. And since the particular game we play licenses its player cards from the Major League Baseball Players Association and since replacement players are expressly forbidden from reaping the rewards of being included in such games, we are intimately familiar with the fake names that have been assigned to players who crossed the picket line. Cory Lidle’s dice baseball pseudonym is Fuller Starr.
We advise all Yankee fans to begin cheering for him under that name.
In case you are curious, other one-time A’s who have to assume a fake name to appear in dice baseball are: Ron Mahay (Red Crestwood); Frank Menechino (Jerry Legler); Damian Miller (Don Cross); Joe Slusarski (Bob Bleacher), and Jeff Tam (Todd Pearl).
For my money, the greatest fake name in all of dice baseball history is the one assigned to Shane Spencer: Jimmy Ladd. If my life ever takes such a drastic turn that I have to assume a new identity, chances are the name I will choose to begin my new life on the lam is going to be Jimmy Ladd. Either that, or Michael Philips since half my mail is addressed that way anyhow.
Congratulations to Francisco Rodriguez
You know, I’m always bitterly disappointed when the A’s don’t win, but, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, allow me to congratulate the Angels’ Francisco Rodriguez on the occasion of picking up his first Major League save.
I assume it was his first, you see, since, upon recording the third out of the ninth inning, he jumped and capered and preened and carried on. So naturally, I just figured that he never saved a ballgame before in his life.
Hey, look at me! I recorded a save! Whoo-hoo! Look at me! Look at me!
You stay classy, Los Angeles of Anaheim.